wordless

I have a mother
I needed a mom whose lap I could sit on
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would listen to me
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would help me fight my battles
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would laugh with me
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would hurt with me
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would kiss all my hurts away
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would let me cuddle me during sickness
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would let me be sick
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would keep me safe from the boogieman
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would stick up for me
I have a mother
I needed a mom who had a soft shoulder to cry on
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would let me cry
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would hold me in her arms
I have a mother
I needed a mom who was patient with me
I have a mother
I needed a mom who gave me comfort
I have a mother
I needed a mom who encouraged me
I have a mother
I needed a mom who gave me hope
I have a mother
I needed a mom who would love me and love me again
Love me with her actions as well as her heart

I haven’t been here for a very long time. This place has not been forgotten. I have wondered many times why I’ve been avoiding this place and never really finding the answer.  I think I’ve realized one of the reasons the other day while in session with my counsellor. The more distress I’m in the less I communicate.  It’s something I’ve known about myself when I’m physically sick but didn’t realize this when I’m emotionally distressed.  I have finally been acknowledging the truth about my mother. It has been very hard for me to be honest about my mother and my past and this has put me into the depths of despair. I must admit I find it discouraging that these realizations bother me so but here I am attempting to communicate once again.

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3 Responses to wordless

  1. wonderingsoul says:

    Hey. Just wanted you to know that I’m still here… still with you.
    I’ve wondered how you’re doing from time to time. You haven’t been forgotten.
    I often avoid my blog too. I’m not sure why… perhaps for similar reasons, but also because of the unbearable perfectionism…
    I love what you wrote. It’s powerful.
    Hope that you find a way to carry on writing here. It’s good to ‘see’ you Lost.
    All is not lost.

    x

  2. Just Be Real says:

    Dear one glad to see your post. Thank you for sharing. Hugs my dear.

  3. I’m glad you’re still here. XXX I’ve missed you.

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