Starting the Journey

This journey was not chosen by me.  I was abruptly forced to begin it.

About ten years ago I had gotten fairly sick and went to the doctor.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me.  I thought that maybe I had a brain tumor or a flu that I couldn’t get rid of.  I would go into a store and suddenly start sweating, feeling out of kilter.  My heart would start pounding and my vision would go weird. I would also be shaky and I had an intense need to run out of the store which of course I couldn’t resist.  Once I left the store the symptoms would ease off.  This also happened to me while I was driving.  It really freaked me out.  The doc did the usual check up, couldn’t find anything wrong.  He said that it was just stress and gave me a sample packet of Paxil.  The doc told me to come back in three weeks and to tell him I was happy.  Well I took the pill a few hours later with all expectations of feeling better.  Just over a half hour later I started feeling very ill. I thought that I was getting the flu.  I didn’t think that I could feel that nauseated without actually throwing up.   I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and was quite startled to see my eyes.  The pupils were so dilated that I could barely see the iris.  It freaked me out and then I knew something else was wrong.  I drove myself to a friends place and she took me to the hospital.  The same doctor happened to be on call.  He couldn’t believe it.  I was bouncing off the walls in a cold clammy sweat, extreme nausea and a really dry mouth.  The doc gave me something to counteract it.  It help a bit but not much.  I was sick for about a month after taking the Paxil.  I had a hard time eating and lost about twenty pounds.  But that experience started me on the journey I am on today.

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