I wasn’t sure what to expect in regards to therapy. I had never done it before nor knew anybody who admitted to going themselves. It was like landing on an alien planet. I wasn’t sure if she (the therapist) could read my mind, she spoke a foreign language and what would she think if I twitched a certain way? I felt like I was under a microscope and therefore twitched a lot.
It was nothing like I had experienced before. I had and still have a hard time dealing with the one sidedness of the relationship. Even in my relationships I haven’t been very good at sharing anything deep. Now all of a sudden I needed to talk about personal things without it being reciprocated. It was all very weird.
At this point I needed to get my panic/agoraphobia under control. Most of the focus in the beginning was on this. The doctor wanted to try some other antidepressants but I refused. My experience with Paxil totally freaked me out. I didn’t want to go through that again. I also found out that I could no longer take over the counter cold medications. They would also cause an adverse reaction in me. I blame my problems with the cold medications on my former job. I was exposed to many dangerous chemicals for many years. I think they created an intolerance in me.
The doctor finally convinced me to try clonazepam. It actually worked for me. But I could only take a small dose as it would make me quite stoned and I needed to function at work. Today I only take it as I need it. I’m paranoid about becoming addicted. I guess when it comes to drugs I am just plain paranoid.