I wasn’t sure what to expect in regards to therapy.  I had never done it before nor knew anybody who admitted to going themselves.  It was like landing on an alien planet.  I wasn’t sure if she (the therapist) could read my mind, she spoke a foreign language and what would she think if I twitched a certain way?  I felt like I was under a microscope and therefore twitched a lot.

It was nothing like I had experienced before.  I had and still have a hard time dealing with the one sidedness of the relationship. Even in my relationships I haven’t been very good at sharing anything deep.  Now all of a sudden I needed to talk about personal things without it being reciprocated.  It was all very weird.

At this point I needed to get my panic/agoraphobia under control.  Most of the focus in the beginning was on this.  The doctor wanted to try some other antidepressants but I refused.  My experience with Paxil totally freaked me out.   I didn’t want to go through that again.  I also found out that I could no longer take over the counter cold medications.  They would also cause an adverse reaction in me.  I blame my problems with the cold medications on my former job.  I was exposed to many dangerous chemicals for many years.  I think they created an intolerance in me.

The doctor finally convinced me to try clonazepam.  It actually worked for me. But I could only take a small dose as it would make me quite stoned and I needed to function at work.  Today I only take it as I need it.  I’m paranoid about becoming addicted.  I guess when it comes to drugs I am just plain paranoid.

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One Response to Weirdness

  1. Yeek. Drugs, they freak me out too. I was given some temazepam yesterday from the GP which I was really nervous about. I worry that there will be adverse effects (I took Lustral once and that caused the panic attacks) or that I will lose control of my body. Glad you’ve found a balance.

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