Opening up for me is very hard to do. I have always kept things very close to me. I am still that way to most everyone. It is probably something that I learned to do at a very young age. I wouldn’t tell anyone anything about myself because it would usually lead to trouble. I never gave this much thought until I started therapy. You are supposed to talk during the session right? Well I never seemed to know what to say. Even when the therapist would ask a question I would be very general in my answers.
But as the therapy progressed over a number of months I started talking about my family in a general sort of way. I was letting the door open just a crack. I guess I needed to see how it felt. The trouble is that I tend to feel like a traitor when I talk about family. I realize now that in a non verbal way we learned what when on in the home stayed in the home. No one need know our business.
At least it was a start.
But then something happened that put a halt to things for a while. Here is what happened in a nut shell.
I had gone to the doctor and therapist one day and then the next day I read a notice in the local paper from this same doc saying she was leaving her practice and thanking everyone for their support. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. She hadn’t said a word to me about leaving. I inquired around and apparently she didn’t tell any of her patients. I already had a few more appointments made and when I saw her again, she still hadn’t said anything so I brought it up myself. I needed to know what would be happening with the therapy.
They said this was short term therapy (which I already knew) and that I would need longer term therapy and gave me the phone number t0 a counselling service in the city. The therapist I was currently seeing wanted to make sure I was set up before the doc left.
Two years later I still feel some anger on how this therapy was terminated. Although it is quite a bit less than when it first happened. I wonder what was going on in the doctor’s life for her to end her service here the way she did?