Opening Up

Opening up for me is very hard to do.  I have always kept things very close to me.  I am still that way to most everyone.  It is probably something that I learned to do at a very young age.  I wouldn’t tell anyone anything about myself because it would usually lead to trouble.  I never gave this much thought until I started therapy.  You are supposed to talk during the session right?  Well I never seemed to know what to say.  Even when the therapist would ask a question I would be very general in my answers.

But as the therapy progressed over a number of months I started talking about my family in a general sort of way.  I was letting the door open just a crack.  I guess I needed to see how it felt.  The trouble is that I tend to feel like a traitor when I talk about family.  I realize now that in a non verbal way we learned what when on in the home stayed in the home.  No one need know our business.

At least it was a start.

But then something happened that put a halt to things for a while. Here is what happened in a nut shell.

I had gone to the doctor and therapist one day and then the next day I read a notice in the local paper from this same doc saying she was leaving her practice and thanking everyone for their support.  I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.  She hadn’t said a word to me about leaving. I inquired around and apparently she didn’t tell any of her patients.  I already had a few more appointments made and when I saw her again, she still hadn’t said anything so I brought it up myself.  I needed to know what would be happening with the therapy.

They said this was short term therapy (which I already knew) and that I would need longer term therapy and gave me the phone number t0 a counselling service in the city.  The therapist I was currently seeing wanted to make sure I was set up before the doc left.

Two years later I still feel some anger on how this therapy was terminated.  Although it is quite a bit less than when it first happened.  I wonder what was going on in the doctor’s life for her to end her service here the way she did?

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4 Responses to Opening Up

  1. Wow – what an awful way to find out therapy is finishing – I’m so sorry. It sounds hideous. I’m not surprised you are angry – you have every right to be.

  2. Harriet says:

    That totally sucks. How awful for you and the other patients. Of course you are angry and hurt and now distrustful of therapists. I would be too. I’m very distrustful of my therapist because of a bad experience with another therapist. It’s not fair to him, but it’s how I feel.

    • lostinamaze says:

      That’s so true. I have just started to trust my current therapist but am still struggling with it. Every so often I pop the question “When are you leaving?”.

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