The therapist, who I will call “D”, was a kind person. She was probably a good T for me to see for the first time. Although there was a number of things I found very frustrating and annoying. Being new at the experience I was never sure on what to say or even what was expected of me.
I would walk into her office and she would ask me what should we work on or what should we talk about. This probably is a reasonable question but I am a person who doesn’t disclose easily. In fact, as weird as this might sound, even if I wanted to disclose I really didn’t know how to. I lived my whole life never talking about anything personal. It was a skill, if you could call it that, that I didn’t have.
So she would ask and I would say “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure”. Then she would question my motive for coming or did I really want to work on “stuff”. I would feel bad and keep thinking that if I didn’t perform properly she would drop me. I think she was just trying to kick start me and this was her style. But I always wondered if I was doing it right.
Another thing I found interesting was her note taking. The whole time I talked she would take notes. Pages of notes. I would wonder how she could pay attention to me while taking notes the whole time. A number of times I asked her what she was writing. She would tell me she was writing what I was saying. I was a little paranoid about it. How many people would see these notes? A couple of times I asked her not to write what I was about to say. She said that she wouldn’t but who knows, I never did read any of her notes.
Regardless of her style she was a kind and compassionate person.
It turns out that I wouldn’t be seeing her for very long. She had gotten ill and had surgery and then shortly after that D ended up moving away from the area. Just before she left I received a letter in the mail from her. She sent me a flyer advertising a group called “The Healing Journey”. D was recommending that I apply to attend. Group therapy? Hmmm…..