I see a psychiatrist once a month for an hour. When I went to group therapy I didn’t see my T but I continued to see the psychiatrist. As I started to get to know the other members of the group the subject of seeing a psychiatrist would come up. All of them were seeing psychiatrists as well but they would only see them for about 15 minutes every three months or so for a med check. One person I talked to really needed to see her psychiatrist for a med adjustment because she was having some problems but couldn’t get in any quicker. As these conversations would go on I started feeling guilty. I was seeing a psychiatrist once a month for an hour. Not only that I don’t take any medications. I don’t take psych meds because I always have severe reactions to them. I can only take benzo type meds and I only take those as I need them.
So I was feeling really guilty about it and of course in my usual way started thinking obsessively about why that was. Was my mental condition more severe than what I thought? I do tend to minimize…alot. Was I over using the system? But the psychiatrist was making the appointments, I wasn’t asking for them. Plus he is a very busy man, at the time he was the head of the psych unit in the hospital. Was I taking up his valuable time when other people could be helped. And then there is the question, do I need this, do I deserve this?
After talking to other people about my psychiatrist and the way he is with me I have come to the conclusion that I got lucky. Everyone that I have talked to respects this guy. He is a compassionate man who respects my decision not to take drugs. He will suggest that I try different types but doesn’t push me into it. We mostly talk about the agoraphobia and panic. We will on occasion talk about the abuse issues. But I find it hard to get into this with him and he doesn’t push it. I think that he is mostly content to leave it in the therapist’s hands.
I still see this guy and the same questions will still run through my head but I do feel grateful for this particular support in my life.