Psychiatrist

I see a psychiatrist once a month for an hour.  When I went to group therapy I didn’t see my T but I continued to see the psychiatrist.  As I started to get to know the other members of the group the subject of seeing a psychiatrist would come up.  All of them were seeing psychiatrists as well but they would only see them for about 15 minutes every three months or so for a med check.  One person I talked to really needed to see her psychiatrist for a med adjustment because she was having some problems but couldn’t get in any quicker.  As these conversations would go on I started feeling guilty.  I was seeing a psychiatrist once a month for an hour.  Not only that I don’t take any medications.  I don’t take psych meds because I always have severe reactions to them. I can only take benzo type meds and I only take those as I need them.

So I was feeling really guilty about it and of course in my usual way started thinking obsessively about why that was.  Was my mental condition more severe than what I thought?  I do tend to minimize…alot.  Was I over using the system? But the psychiatrist was making the appointments, I wasn’t asking for them.  Plus he is a very busy man, at the time he was the head of the psych unit in the hospital.  Was I taking up his valuable time when other people could be helped.  And then there is the question, do I need this, do I deserve this?

After talking to other people about my psychiatrist and the way he is with me I have come to the conclusion that I got lucky.  Everyone that I have talked to respects this guy. He is a compassionate man who respects my decision not to take drugs.  He will suggest that I try different types but doesn’t push me into it.  We mostly talk about the agoraphobia and panic.  We will on occasion talk about the abuse issues.  But I find it hard to get into this with him and he doesn’t push it.  I think that he is mostly content to leave it in the therapist’s hands.

I still see this guy and the same questions will still run through my head but I do feel grateful for this particular support in my life.

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2 Responses to Psychiatrist

  1. Harriet says:

    I used to see a psychiatrist once every three months for med checks, but her appointment was 50 minutes. That was hard for me, because I didn’t really feel a connection to her, but I had to talk for so long. With my current pdoc, it’s only 15 minutes.

    I think it’s great that you have your pdoc to talk to and get support from. Definitely don’t feel guilty about it!

    • lostinamaze says:

      I have a hard time not feeling guilty. Sometimed it’s hard to remember that I’m as deserving as anyone else. Definitely something I need to work on.

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