Cancelled Appointment

I saw my therapist today after a two week break. She had cancelled our last appointment due to sickness.  I always find it harder than usual to get back into therapy when it has been disrupted.  I always feel bad about how I feel when appointments get cancelled.  She can’t help it when she gets sick.  And I understand that but it doesn’t change how I feel.  Sometimes it makes me feel angry or not good enough or displaced somehow.  I really don’t understand it.

I tend to think about my appointment somewhat obsessively a few days before.  I try to figure out what I should talk about.  What I want to talk about is always changing.  I seem to invest a lot of head time doing that so when the dreaded question “so what do you want to talk about” comes up I would actually have a topic.   So when the appointment is cancelled  I feel like I have been cut loose.  It’s kind of like now what?

Then the irrational thoughts start.  Is she trying to tell me something.  Maybe she’s dumping me.  Did I say something to offend her?  Maybe she finally realizes how bad I really am.  On and on it can go.

I’m not like this when someone changes or cancels a dinner date or a doctor’s appointment so why am I like this when my T changes or cancels my appointment?

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6 Responses to Cancelled Appointment

  1. Do you have an idea of who she represents for you? Sometimes in therapy the therapist comes to represent someone important from our childhood experience, often someone who the child desperately needs to be there. If this is true then it isn’t surprising you feel angry and fearful about her cancelling appointments. The child part of you needs her!

    In normal life though you are usually dealing adult to adult – you can understand why someone might need to alter arrangements, and you don’t need to worry about why. The child doesn’t have that luxury.

    Does this help at all, or just leave you more confused?

    • lostinamaze says:

      I think a light bulb just came on. That does make sense. That would definitely explain the unreasonable thoughts I have about the appointments which in turn causes the war within.

      I will have to figure out who the kid represents. But I’m not sure that I’m ready to talk to my T about this. Thank you for the insight!

  2. Harriet says:

    I also obsess about my appointment for a few days before. Well, I’d say I obsess for the whole week before. Up until the minute I walk in the door I’m trying to figure out what to talk about. My t once forgot about my appointment back when we first started and it was so weird to leave without talking after I had been thinking about it for a week. It’s like I didn’t know what to do with myself.

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