One Sided

I walk into her office and have a seat.  We exchange pleasantries and chitchat for a bit.  Then the exchange of information comes to an end and it becomes all about me.  This is where it the difficulty starts for me.

I am not used to having a relationship with someone where it is all about me.  This is the first time in my life where this is so and it makes me uncomfortable.

What is a relationship anyway?

I spend a fair bit of time trying to figure out the relationship between my T and I.   It is one that causes me great angst.  We are friends yet not friends.  I often feel that we could be great friends as we have many interests in common. If only I had met her before I started therapy with her.  Yet deep down I know this is an illusion because where and how would I have met her otherwise.  I also realize I probably only see her professional side.  Who knows, maybe she is completely different in a social setting.

How does a relationship happen if it is so one sided?  Although my relationship with my T is not totally one sided.  On occasion I ask her questions about herself and she will answer them.  I am careful not to ask too personal questions. But need to relate to someone human to human.  This is how I know she can relate to me.

Anyway this relationship is one that I struggle to come to terms with and I will probably talk about it a lot more just to try to figure it out.

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4 Responses to One Sided

  1. jumpinginpuddles says:

    i prefer to think of my therapy as a business deal, she and he gives me their time i pay the money and we have nothing else to do with each other.
    Thankyou for stopping by our blog and saying hi, and for the record i think whatever anyone writes as long as it isnt degrading is important.

  2. Harriet says:

    I don’t even call it a relationship. The thing between me and my therapist – it’s a business deal, right? It’s so hard for me to open up to him, because it’s totally one sided. I really don’t know him at all even though I first started seeing him about 2 years ago!

    • lostinamaze says:

      I feel the term “business deal” intriguing. I guess for me it means money exchanged for a service.

      I live in Canada where I don’t pay for a therapist unless I go to a private practice. Maybe that’s why I never thought of it that way.

      I have a hard time saying anything of importance to a complete stranger. I also live in a smallish place where my T has participated in a same activity as me. I found it somewhat weird. I just acted like a friendly stranger toward her which was even weirder considering she knows more about me than anyone else.

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