I walk into her office and have a seat. We exchange pleasantries and chitchat for a bit. Then the exchange of information comes to an end and it becomes all about me. This is where it the difficulty starts for me.
I am not used to having a relationship with someone where it is all about me. This is the first time in my life where this is so and it makes me uncomfortable.
What is a relationship anyway?
I spend a fair bit of time trying to figure out the relationship between my T and I. It is one that causes me great angst. We are friends yet not friends. I often feel that we could be great friends as we have many interests in common. If only I had met her before I started therapy with her. Yet deep down I know this is an illusion because where and how would I have met her otherwise. I also realize I probably only see her professional side. Who knows, maybe she is completely different in a social setting.
How does a relationship happen if it is so one sided? Although my relationship with my T is not totally one sided. On occasion I ask her questions about herself and she will answer them. I am careful not to ask too personal questions. But need to relate to someone human to human. This is how I know she can relate to me.
Anyway this relationship is one that I struggle to come to terms with and I will probably talk about it a lot more just to try to figure it out.