Sleeping can be hard

I often have a hard time sleeping at night.  I either can’t get to sleep or I keep waking up all night long.  It can make for some long days.

Part of the problem is that I can’t shut my mind off.  If it is few days before my therapy session, I’m obsessing about what I will say or how it will go.  If it is after the therapy session, I keep replaying it in my mind, thinking about what I didn’t say or could have said or maybe have said differently or, or, or…

As well, when something comes up in therapy, I will think it to bits.

I also have a lot of weird dreams that will wake me up.  They will often follow me throughout my day.  The nightmares are the worst.

Then there are the nightmares that I will sometimes actually sort of act out.  I think with these I am in sort of half wake – half sleep mode.  But of this I’m not certain.  Usually these dreams consist of me being trapped in a small dark place.  Or sometimes the dream is of someone chasing me and they have a gun.  I have freaked people out if they are around when I have these kinds of dreams.  With these dreams I often end up destroying things.  For example, one time with one of my trapped dreams, I destroyed the bottom of the top bed of a bunk bed with my bare hands. I was in a complete panic state and would do anything to get out of the small box I was trapped in.  I finally woke up after the damage was done.  It usually takes me awhile to re-orientate myself after this happens.  I had some explaining to do the next day but how do you explain that?

In the being chased dreams, I have ripped up some window screens in my panic to escape.  I really dread these types of dreams and often worry that therapy will trigger one of them to happen.

Sometimes at night I will wake up with a freaked out feeling.  It can be because I think that I have heard footsteps in my room.  My heart will start pounding and I can’t get back to sleep.  Rationally I know there is no stranger around because my dog would certainly let me know.  But at this point there is no rational at all.

If I am lucky at all, the reason I can’t sleep is because the wind is keeping me awake or I am excited about something good.

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4 Responses to Sleeping can be hard

  1. Wow, that sounds terrifying.

    • lostinamaze says:

      It is scary and my pdoc hasn’t given me any ideas on how I could possibly stop them. I could live with them as long as the panic thing wouldn’t happen but I am hoping that therapy will help sort out the dreams.

  2. Harriet says:

    I could have written this post, well except for the dreams part. I do have vivid dreams, especially when I’m taking wellbutrin, but they are usually not scary and I don’t actually do anything in real life while I’m dreaming. But my mind is like a little hamster on a wheel that won’t shut up. All night long. I don’t understand how I can wake up in the night and IMMEDIATELY start thinking of something. I do get “dream hangovers” sometimes, too, that feeling of the dream haunting me throughout the day. Ugh.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I like that expression “dream hangovers”. I will have to remember that.

      It does suck having a mind that doesn’t turn off. My T in the next few sessions is going to teach me how to do some meditative exercises. I’m hoping that will help.

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