I often have a hard time sleeping at night. I either can’t get to sleep or I keep waking up all night long. It can make for some long days.
Part of the problem is that I can’t shut my mind off. If it is few days before my therapy session, I’m obsessing about what I will say or how it will go. If it is after the therapy session, I keep replaying it in my mind, thinking about what I didn’t say or could have said or maybe have said differently or, or, or…
As well, when something comes up in therapy, I will think it to bits.
I also have a lot of weird dreams that will wake me up. They will often follow me throughout my day. The nightmares are the worst.
Then there are the nightmares that I will sometimes actually sort of act out. I think with these I am in sort of half wake – half sleep mode. But of this I’m not certain. Usually these dreams consist of me being trapped in a small dark place. Or sometimes the dream is of someone chasing me and they have a gun. I have freaked people out if they are around when I have these kinds of dreams. With these dreams I often end up destroying things. For example, one time with one of my trapped dreams, I destroyed the bottom of the top bed of a bunk bed with my bare hands. I was in a complete panic state and would do anything to get out of the small box I was trapped in. I finally woke up after the damage was done. It usually takes me awhile to re-orientate myself after this happens. I had some explaining to do the next day but how do you explain that?
In the being chased dreams, I have ripped up some window screens in my panic to escape. I really dread these types of dreams and often worry that therapy will trigger one of them to happen.
Sometimes at night I will wake up with a freaked out feeling. It can be because I think that I have heard footsteps in my room. My heart will start pounding and I can’t get back to sleep. Rationally I know there is no stranger around because my dog would certainly let me know. But at this point there is no rational at all.
If I am lucky at all, the reason I can’t sleep is because the wind is keeping me awake or I am excited about something good.