Unexplained Anger

I had my therapy session yesterday.  I felt like crap all night and for a good part of today. My head didn’t seem to be attached to my body.  I’m not sure what is happening.  The session wasn’t particularity intense.  In fact we have backed off of the hard stuff for a bit.  We have been working on mediation type stuff and grounding.  My T is helping me create a safe place where I can take kind of a time out when things get intense for me.  I sometimes have a hard time with this exercise.  It seems like a form of escapism.  But I also remember doing this when I was younger to help settle my anxiety down.  I will give a fair try to see if it helps.

The problem that I have had with the last few sessions is that as the session progresses I can feel anger starting to build.  I haven’t said anything to the T about it yet.  I am trying to figure it out without much success. I have come up with several things that often make me angry within the therapy session.  Sometimes I think that her kindness makes me angry.   I’m not sure what to do with it.  Or I will get angry if I think that she doesn’t care enough.  I will get angry when I think that I have exposed too much of myself to her.

But to tell you the truth I’m not sure why this is coming up within the sessions at this time.  All I really know is that it is taking a lot out of me afterward.

 

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2 Responses to Unexplained Anger

  1. Harriet Welch says:

    The anger is interesting. It’s great that you are working towards figuring that out – do you think you’ll mention it to her? I get angry with myself for “telling” things that I feel I should keep to myself. I can’t get used to being able to say these things to someone. I understand the anger about her kindness as well, that happened to me when my mother’s husband died and the nurse who was a complete stranger to us was with us and got tears in her eyes from witnessing our grief. It seems very illogical. Do we suppose maybe we don’t think we deserve kindness?

    • lostinamaze says:

      I’m not sure if I’ll tell her just yet. I will probably wait and see if it will resolve on its own. It’s true that I often feel that I don’t deserve kindness. But I also don’t always know how to handle kindness so then my defenses will go up. I wonder if knowing what to do with kindness is a learned skill?

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