Relationship with Therapist

I have a developing relationship with my T.  It makes me more than a little anxious.  I have spent my entire life avoiding the “sharing of my inside self” type relationships.  I am not a hermit but in fact I am quite social. My relationships never go beyond the surface stuff.

But I also realize that to progress with my healing that I need to share my “inside self” with my T.  It has taken over a year to try to trust her, even just a little.

I have finally come to the place where I am sharing little bits of myself with a few big bits thrown in.  This is creating in me a vulnerability that I am resisting big time.  I think this is one of the areas where my anger is coming from.  I actually feel quite threatened even though I have no reason to feel like that.

Another area of concern for me is dependence.  I have always been very independent even as a child. I had to look after myself as well as my siblings.  I would spend as much time by myself as I could and I asked for help as little as possible because if I did, it would lead to some sort of bad scenario.  So for me to start sharing of myself and asking for help makes me feel that I will become dependent on the T.  I’m afraid of swinging from one extreme to another. I’m not sure if I am being irrational or if this is a legitimate fear.  I wonder if there is such a thing as a healthy dependency verses an unhealthy one.  Maybe I should try to get up the courage to talk to my T about this.

The other big problem is that I know that this isn’t a regular type relationship.  I am afraid that if I fully enter the relationship it will suddenly end.  Then what?  I have given thought about that lately.  I have a feeling that it will be like having someone close to me die.  I know when the therapeutic relationship ends I probably will never see her again.  I am not sure that I could handle that after investing so much in a relationship.

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4 Responses to Relationship with Therapist

  1. Harriet Welch says:

    OMG, are you sure it wasn’t me who wrote this? I, too, have been seeing my therapist for a little over a year, continuously. (I saw him for a couple of months prior to that, then took a break, then went back.) And it took me about 6 months before I told him anything about myself. I refuse to even call what we have a relationship, as a matter of fact earlier today I was thinking about this and actually looked up the word on dictionary.com. I also am very independent, and never ask for help, not because anything bad would have happened to me as a child, but because my mother was so busy taking care of my father and my sister since they weren’t healthy, and I put the burden of taking care of myself on myself.

    I didn’t think I was very attached to my therapist until last week when my husband told me that we might be changing insurance companies and I suddenly got a sick feeling because I wasn’t sure if my therapist is in the new plan. Now I’m really worried that I’m getting attached to him in some weird way. How does this happen?

    • lostinamaze says:

      I wonder if a relationship just naturally evolves when I have seen my therapist for that length of time. I also wonder if I invested something of myself in the relationship the moment that I started it without being aware of it. But however it happens, I’m not sure what to make of it.

      I hope that it works out that you can keep your therapist.

  2. Lindy Abbott says:

    Relationships with therapist is something that you need to learn to keep on a professional level. I learned this the hard way. I have been with my current therapist for 5 years. I love her, but I can live without her. We are personable, laugh at times, and share girl-talk, but once therapy starts it is strictly ‘work’. I got too involved with my first therapist and he shared too much about his personal family…I got to the point that I was so intertwined emotionally it almost caused me to end my life in suicide. I couldn’t take the “friendship in therapy” and the cold shoulder like do I know you rejection. I learned to not cross my private life with my therapy life. That may sound odd because therapy is quite personal… but I keep my relationship not on a friendship level but a Therapist-Client level.

    I also went through the insecurities of being so insecure that my therapist would drop me as a client…I was almost freaky about it…terrified to have to “start over with someone new”…but I have learned it is better to trust God as my turn to person …not my therapist, that way I am growing dependent on Him and not her.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I totally agree with you. The problem is not with my therapist. She is friendly but professional. She has good boundaries that I respect. I’m just not sure how to deal with the feelings within myself. I hope that I can figure it out soon.

      As for trusting God, that is something else I have been struggling with.
      But that is another long story. Thank you for visiting.

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