Finally the long-awaited appointment. With my t being sick and her rearranging this weeks session to later in the week, it feels like its been forever since my last appointment.
Even though it’s only two and a half weeks since I last seen my t the timing wasn’t very good. I haven’t seen or talked to her since I sent the last email.
And of course with my not so helpful imagination all kinds of scenarios started playing through my mind. It was like, “there you go, you just ruined everything now” “see I told you so, you’re being dumped” “she’s preparing you for her terminating you by ignoring you for a few weeks”. And on and on it goes when really all that has happened is that she was sick. And she is still fighting a cold.
But for some reason I just needed to see that with my own two eyes. I still must not trust her enough not to leave me high and dry. I don’t know if I can get over that. I have given it some thought about why that is. So far the only thing I can think of is that Wayne (father) used to always say to me “I going to town, I will bring you back ‘whatever’” and then we would not see him again for many months. Even though it was a huge relief when he disappeared it must have affected me somehow. I’m not sure why it would affect me since I was so terrified of him. Oh and on occasion in my teenaged years my mother would disappear as well but only for a few days at a time.
So maybe I’m thinking my t will suddenly disappear on me. I just wish my mind wouldn’t lead me down into this type of thinking. It makes it all so complicated. I also think that’s one of reason’s I don’t like to feel like I am dependent on someone. They just might disappear.
I did ask my t about the email and she said she was just fine about it. It feels like a whole lot of drama about nothing. sheesh…