I think I’m beginning to realize that I have a love/hate relationship with therapy.  I did go to my session tonight even though everything within me wanted to say screw it, I don’t need this hassle in my life.

This week has been a roller coaster of emotions.  This is something I am totally unfamiliar with and because of that I am having a hard time dealing with what is going on inside of me.

This week I have certainly hated the so-called therapeutic process.  My brain is worn out from trying to figure it out.

I went into my session tonight highly anxious, not knowing what to expect – from her or from me.  I had written out some of the things that were rolling around in my mind about how I felt about taking the very unwanted break.  Three pages of writing to be exact.  It wasn’t a nasty letter or anything, it was mainly about how I was feeling.

So I handed her my notes with the comment that it would probably make her mad.  What happened next was rather surprising for me.  After she read it she said that I had made some valid points.  So we went through my notes point by point.  One of the points I made was about the way she told me about the break. I wasn’t part of the decision at all.  It was just dropped on me like a bombshell.  I had written that I thought it could have been handled better.

As she was reading the notes she made a star beside this particular point I made.  After she finished reading she went back to it and said that I was right. That she could have handled it better.  She said she felt humbled by what I said and apologized to me.

You could have blown me over with a feather.  I’m not sure what I expected but it really wasn’t that.

The break is still on and I’m still not happy about it.  In fact at this point I don’t agree with it.  In the next day or two I will post about the reasons for the break, as I understand it.  But from my side of the room I really still don’t understand it.

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6 Responses to Unhappy

  1. One long journey says:

    Hey there – I’m glad you went and it sounds like your T validated your feelings. Looking forward to hearing more about the reasons for the break.

    Love-hate – gotta agree. Mine was completely foreign last night.

    • lostinamaze says:

      Yes, I’m glad now I went as well. I can’t believe how incredibly hard this is. I’m sorry to hear that about your session. I have told my T on occasion that I wished she had a magic pill to give me and all would be well.

  2. Harriet says:

    Totally agree with love/hate. I’m glad she realized that she could have handled this better, but still sad for you that you must take an unwanted break. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.

    • lostinamaze says:

      Thank you Harriet, I find this all so very weird. I’m hoping to come to terms with it sooner rather then later.

  3. Nai'a says:

    I’m sorry it’s been so tough for you. Like the other two said, I’m glad she validated your feelings and admitted her own flaw in how she handled it … sounds like she’s been a good T for you.

    Hang in there 🙂

    • lostinamaze says:

      She has been a good T and maybe that is one of the reasons I don’t feel ready yet. The only thing I know for sure is that I don’t like feeling like this.

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