I think I’m beginning to realize that I have a love/hate relationship with therapy. I did go to my session tonight even though everything within me wanted to say screw it, I don’t need this hassle in my life.
This week has been a roller coaster of emotions. This is something I am totally unfamiliar with and because of that I am having a hard time dealing with what is going on inside of me.
This week I have certainly hated the so-called therapeutic process. My brain is worn out from trying to figure it out.
I went into my session tonight highly anxious, not knowing what to expect – from her or from me. I had written out some of the things that were rolling around in my mind about how I felt about taking the very unwanted break. Three pages of writing to be exact. It wasn’t a nasty letter or anything, it was mainly about how I was feeling.
So I handed her my notes with the comment that it would probably make her mad. What happened next was rather surprising for me. After she read it she said that I had made some valid points. So we went through my notes point by point. One of the points I made was about the way she told me about the break. I wasn’t part of the decision at all. It was just dropped on me like a bombshell. I had written that I thought it could have been handled better.
As she was reading the notes she made a star beside this particular point I made. After she finished reading she went back to it and said that I was right. That she could have handled it better. She said she felt humbled by what I said and apologized to me.
You could have blown me over with a feather. I’m not sure what I expected but it really wasn’t that.
The break is still on and I’m still not happy about it. In fact at this point I don’t agree with it. In the next day or two I will post about the reasons for the break, as I understand it. But from my side of the room I really still don’t understand it.