Artwork is hanging on her wall. My artwork. The art that I drew that represents some of the parts of me.
We had been working on this before we took a break to work a bit on the anger. So now I am faced with this once again. And at that moment, quite visually.
One of the reasons I felt that I needed to work on this is because there are parts of me that interfere with the work that I am trying to do in therapy. I find this perplexing and rather discouraging.
My art, if you can call it that, I artist I am not, is taped to the wall randomly. Among my work are also blank sheets of paper.
I sit there and I look at it with a rather detached mind. Like I am in some gallery and thinking ‘Oh yeah, that’s interesting’.
My T asks me to take the blank sheets of paper and create representations of some of the parts I haven’t done yet. I take a blank sheet and stare at it.
A thought flits through my mind “What’s the point, I’ll be done soon.” But then a noble part of me speaks up “Remember it’s not for her you do this, it’s not for any of the people in your life you do this. “You do this for yourself so you can try to overcome the legacy that the trauma has left you”. Oh yeah, sometimes I forget that.
I have not drawn any of my dark parts yet
And so I begin.
To be continued…
I had a nightmare last night. Maybe I should say a bad dream because these dreams don’t scare me anymore. I’ve had them so often. But I do find them very disturbing. This was a bad dream that I’ve never had before and it involved me directly. I hope it was just a dream and not any part of my truth.