Consistent

Yesterday I had an appointment with my Psychiatrist.    I was struck by how different my relationship with him is compared to my relationship with my therapist.  I have seen this guy about once every 4 to 6 weeks for an hour consistently for almost four years now.   I started seeing him in 2006 when my tightly controlled world fell apart.  That was also the time I first had contact with my current therapist.

At the suggestion of my soon to be departed family doc I initiated the process to start individual counselling.  I made I appointment with the recommended agency and was placed with a T.  She did the interview process and in the following week told that she couldn’t see me because I was too unstable.  Great, so what’s the point of counselling anyway?   I find it strange that I ended up seeing her for counseling two years later.  In the meantime one of her recommendations to my family doc was that I should see a pdoc for a proper evaluation and diagnoses and probably stabilization.  As far as I was concerned the family doc was doing just fine in her treatment of me. But whatever, I was new to the game.

My pdoc is a very laid back guy who takes whatever I throw at him in stride.  He is very excepting of the fact that I don’t do well on medication, that I have an extreme sensitivity to most medications.   He would like me to try different meds but doesn’t push or pressure me to do so.

My appointments with him seem to mostly consist of chatting about the mental health system here in Canada, about him and his family, about my family.  And a few times during our sessions he’ll ask me a more personal question.  Sometimes I wonder what is the point of our sessions but then I’ll get this feeling he is evaluating me somehow.  I have learnt along the way that he is very astute and I think very subtle with the way he works with me.

This week was the first time that I have seen him since I found out that I would be taking my unwanted break.  I told him about it so we ended up talking about this for most of the session.

One of the first questions he asked me was if we had talked about my suicide ideation.  I told him that I don’t talk to her too much about it and if I do it is in a very general way.  In fact I mostly talk to him about it.  I am very honest with my pdoc about suicide.  It is safe to do so without fear of him doing something drastic like throwing me into the hospital.  I’m not sure why he asked me this.

The second question he asked me was did she know about my abandonment issues.  Of course she does.

This question got me thinking.  In the last four years I have had four family docs; one I wasn’t happy with and two moved away.  In my quest to find a counsellor in the beginning I had five counsellors; two of them moved shortly after I started seeing them, one wasn’t a good fit, two took different positions that didn’t include client counselling.  This counsellor ordeal happened in less than a year’s time.

As I have mentioned I often wonder why he keeps seeing me especially when I don’t take anything but clonazepam on occasion.  Then it hit me; he has been the only consistent person in my mental health journey.  He knows this.  I don’t think that I need to wonder anymore.

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12 Responses to Consistent

  1. Cassie says:

    Your psychiatrist sounds like a good guy. We need more of him in the mental health profession. It is unfortunate all the other people who were treating you left but it’s a positive that you do at least have him. You deserve to have people who are willing and able to work with you for as long as you need.
    Take care,
    Cassie

    • lostinamaze says:

      Thank you Cassie. It seems that the mental health people move around a lot within my health region. I’m not sure why but it sure can be a frustrating experience.

  2. Lostinamaze,
    I’m really touched by this post. I guess because of the power of you realisation.
    That is some psych you have there… I don’t think there are many out there who are willing to actually engage with patients beyond the initial dishing out of meds.
    I’m really struck.
    x

    • lostinamaze says:

      I asked my pdoc what would happen to me if I couldn’t for some reason see him anymore. He told me that no other pdoc in my region would see me for very long because I can’t take meds. It seems all of the other pdocs here only do that sort of care.

  3. One long journey says:

    So I wrote a comment and it got gobbled – here we go again –

    Great post – your pdoc sounds great. Is there any possibility of seeing him more frequently during your break with T? Do he and T communicate with each other?

    It is nice that he has been so consistent for you..

    • lostinamaze says:

      I don’t think that I could see him any more frequently then I do. He seems to be quite booked up. They book all my appointments for six months and then when I have two months left they book another six months worth.

      My t and pdoc have never communicated with each other. I asked my pdoc once if he wanted a report from my t and he wasn’t interested. I think my t would like to communicate with him but for some reason he doesn’t do so.

  4. Lothlorien says:

    I have the opposite issue. I tend to be much more forthcoming and open with my therapist, and stick to generalities with my p’doc. I trust both of them, and they are both wonderful, but I have been so used to going to the p’doc just to get the meds, that that’s what I do. I tend to tell only what is relevant to my medication issues.
    ~Lothlorien

    • lostinamaze says:

      I actually haven’t been too forthcoming with my pdoc, only with the suicidal stuff. And that’s because he has assured me that he wouldn’t throw me into the hospital. And I actually believe him with this. I don’t entirely trust my therapist with this issue from my past experience of telling her when I first met her. Once bitten twice shy, as they say.

      But, as I think about it, he knows almost as much as my t about my past. I haven’t been very forthcoming to my therapist about too much beyond generalities.

  5. JBR says:

    Dear one sounds you have a good P. there that understands more or less where you are coming from. That is promising and I know very comforting, which is what we all need to hear. That someone does understand us and does not give up on us! Amen.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I am really glad that he doesn’t force the issue about taking medication. And has kept seeing me anyway. I have tried taking meds on occasion with terrible results. Sometimes I have wondered about our relationship but he has always been there.

  6. Marie says:

    I’m so glad you have found at least one consistent supporter . . . I think that is very important. I bet you are right that he understands the important role he plays!

    Great job with figuring that out!

    – Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)

    • lostinamaze says:

      It’s funny that I just figured it out. Sometimes it takes a while. And I think somehow it as been important.

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