Tomorrow’s Appointment

I’m dreading my therapy appointment tomorrow evening. I know that my t has written a letter to my pdoc and physician explaining her reasoning for the impending break.  She has not sent it yet because apparently she needs to run this sort of stuff through her supervisor before it leaves the office.  She also told me that she would show it to me before sending it off.

I want to see this letter but not really.  Seeing it written down will finalize it for me.  It will be written in stone.  I will not be able to deny the words that are written in black and white before me.  I don’t think I will feel good after this session assuming of course I see the letter.

This past week I had seen my doctor.  I told her what was going on and she seemed shocked herself.  She told me that she didn’t know what to say.  At least she was honest and admitted it and didn’t try to make me feel better.  I told her that I was only able to give her my side of the story and that maybe she would understand better after she received the letter from my t.  I told her that maybe it would make perfect sense to her after she read it.  She just said “maybe”.

My doctor than went on to say that she would phone and call me in to discuss the letter after she received and had time to read it.  She said that she would fit me in at the end of her day.  I told her that it wasn’t necessary, that I will see her at my next appointment.  I know how extremely busy she is.  Being a rural doc and female and very popular makes for a very busy schedule.  In fact she doesn’t take new patients, as her caseload is overly full.  But she insisted that she wanted to see me regardless. I feel humbled by that.  I always feel humbled when others want to support me and I never know what to say to that.

I’m really dreading tomorrow.

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8 Responses to Tomorrow’s Appointment

  1. Just Be Real says:

    Dear one I know this is a big step here. Praying that your heart and nerves will be calm. After reading the letter and having it sink in later on, hopefully there will be some light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe not right away because of your high anticipation and anxiety. All I certainly do understand!

    Here with you listening and will be here afterward…….

    Sending comforting hugs.

    • lostinamaze says:

      Dealing with relationship stuff I usually avoid. I’d rather stick my head in the sand and keep it there. One thing I do know for sure therapy is not easy. Thank you for listening.

  2. One long journey says:

    I will be thinking of you. I hope that seeing the letter and seeing the reasoning in black and white will be helpful, although I can see how it could go the other way. 😦

    Hoping this will help you talk about your anxiety with T without feeling needy.

    Your doc sounds great – I’m glad she is there for you also.


    • lostinamaze says:

      I think that I will write some things out on how I feel. Maybe it will give me more courage.

      Concerning my doc or anyone else for that matter, it still surprises me when people want to support me even when they don’t need to.

  3. Lothlorien says:

    I will keep you in my thoughts tomorrow.
    ((holding your hand–if ok))

    • lostinamaze says:

      You know, at one time in the not so distant past I would have said, “no, that’s ok I’ll be fine”. Now I will say thank you for that hand.

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