Letter Part Two

As we continued discussing what I had written out for my t she said there were a couple of danger signs that we needed to pay attention to.  One of the things I had written about was all the unrest I have felt and been ignoring during the sessions.  She thought we needed to listen to that and slow down what we are doing.  My t told me that what I am doing is extremely hard work and I was putting  a lot of effort into it.  She said she had an idea that it was getting overwhelming for me from a reaction she saw in me last week.  Apparently at one point in last weeks session she mentioned to me that we need to get all the parts talking to one another.  I guess when she said this I got this totally freaked out look on my face.  I’m glad she remembers this because I certainly don’t.

My t then told me another surprising thing.  I thought it was interesting that she was telling me some of this stuff.  She said that she herself was going home exhausted after some of our sessions because of the intensity of our work.

I do have a way of dealing with these sessions though because sometimes the aftermath of them is tougher than the session itself.  I have an hour and a half trip home from smallish city to small town so I stop at Tim Horton’s for an Ice Cap on the way out , turn up the tunes and when I get home play on my game machine for a few hours.  All this to distance myself from the session so I can revisit the session from a safer spot.  It might not be productive but it does work for me.

My t also told me another dangerous area that I wrote about was my ‘get it done’ attitude.  She really tried to impress on me that we can’t rush through this work and ‘get it done’ as I would like to.  After she said this I looked at her and said “you suck, let’s do the dangerous thing”.  She just sat there and smiled at me.  It seems she has some of me figured out.  Sometimes that does suck.  In the end we decided that we would continue to work on what we have been only at a much slower pace and if we have to pick it up again after the break we will.  My t wants to try something different.  I think she told me what it was but I can’t remember what she said.

I do have more to share about this session.  When I modified my blog post before I gave it to her I actually added some content.  I took a leap and put some of my needy type stuff in.  I will blog about it when I have given it some thought and am able to put it into words.

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11 Responses to Letter Part Two

  1. Tim Hortons – a good place to stop. I think it’s good that you know what works for you after a session. I don’t like to “process” things right away myself. Even if I do, I don’t like to blog about it until I really know how I felt about the situation, and what I genuinely got out of it.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I’ve learned the hard way that I need some space from the session and to detach to a certain extent. It can be all too overwhelming. For me Tim’s is a good place to start. 🙂

  2. Lothlorien says:

    Remind me—-how long is this break for??
    It sounds like sharing the session was very good for you both.

    • lostinamaze says:

      The break is for a minimum three months. I know it’s not that long but it sure is stirring up alot inside.

  3. Lothlorien says:

    Actually three months is a long time. I would definitely be grieving and confused.

  4. Marie says:

    Hey, lostinamaze –

    You know what . . ?? My T said the very same thing to me last session (about being in the “just get it done” mode). He told me I needed to allow things to move at an organic pace — he warned against pushing so hard. It pissed me off, LOL! But, he is right.

    Great work . . . it sounds like you are making progress!

    – Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)

    • lostinamaze says:

      Deep down I know they are right but it would be nice to just get it done. I am learning that I need to examine my motives as to why I would have that attitude. I’m learning that my motives might not always be in my best interest.

  5. One long journey says:

    Ah yes – we both share that “let’s get it done, dammit” approach. Unfortunately, I’ve found that we can’t do that – there’s not a straight path from A to B – lots of meandering curves. I think I’ve figured that out and am more patient with the process.

    Processing sessions – I find that if I don’t jot some notes down or journal about the session, I forget a lot of things. I didn’t do anything after last weeks’ session and am regretting as tomorrow comes along.

    Do you know if there is another time limit to the therapy after the break?


    • lostinamaze says:

      Ahhh…the question I have been avoiding like the plague. I have not approached her about yet even though it has been nagging at me. It will be another thing that I will have to deal with in this strange relationship.

  6. Just Be Real says:

    I am learning to “Just Be.” That is the hardest to be at, because I want to be other things. I hear you lostinamaze. Blessings.

    • lostinamaze says:

      ‘Just Be’ Sometimes I despair of learning that. I want to be many other things. Sometimes least of all me.

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