Chirping Clock part one

I walked into her office and sat down.  She popped her head around the corner and asked me if I was lost inamaze and said she would be with me in just a moment.   I was glad for that moment but I think that I would have needed a lifetime not just a moment to get myself together I was so stressed.  It’s a good thing that I wrote things out since I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience.

In that moment while I was waiting for my appointment her clock struck four and started to chirp with some sort of bird chirp.  The first thing that entered my mind was Harriet’s experience with the Parrot T and I started to laugh. I was hoping that she wasn’t going to walk out with a parrot on her shoulder and to my relief she didn’t.  I think that I would have started laughing uncontrollably in my nervousness if I had seen a parrot.  I noticed that her clock chirps with different bird chirps on the hours.  Strange for an office but each to their own I guess.  Her waiting room was very homey looking with a few lamps around.  I must say that I am not used to that sort of set up.  All the therapist offices I’ve been to (not many) were just that, offices with a few personal touches.  Maybe that’s the difference between a private practice and an agency?

When she called me in we both sat in chairs facing each other.  We were a little too close together for my comfort.  Our knees were almost touching. I didn’t say anything but if I ever started seeing her on a regular basis I certainly would.  I like a fair amount of space between my t and I.

Other then the strangeness I was feeling she seemed like a really nice lady.  Her voice was actually very pleasant and soothing.  It was the first thing that I had noticed about her.

And so we started our discussion. I found this part really hard as I never just jump into this type of conversation at a first meeting.  In fact this type of conversation can take me a very long time to get to.  There wasn’t even any chit-chat.  But I only wanted this to be a one time meeting with her and so decided to go for it.

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15 Responses to Chirping Clock part one

  1. I’m looking forward to hearing what happened next!

  2. Just Be Real says:

    Ooooooo thank you for sharing. Looking forward to the next installment. I too am one that cannot have people in my space so close…….Blessings to you dear one.

    • lostinamaze says:

      Yeah, I’m not sure why a therapist would want to sit so close like that. You would think that they would ask what is comfortable for you. Oh well…

  3. Harriet says:

    I am so glad she didn’t walk out with a parrot too. That would have just been too bizarre. I’m assuming she didn’t have a life sized stuffed gorilla in the waiting room with a sign around his neck saying “I give hugs”?

    Can’t wait to hear part 2!

  4. Listening carefully Lost.
    I’m so glad that you found her voice soothing. It sounds like that was quite a key thing in putting you at ease (or at least, a tiny bit more at ease).
    I very much understand why you have had to write this in parts. It feels very difficult to just ‘jump straight in’ here too… I’m guessing that it’s almost as hard to write things as it is to say them sometimes. I often feel like the effort of getting something out is too overwhelming to face.
    Thinking of you are hoping you manage Part 2.
    I’m glad that the place was homely. I think you’re right about that being a private practice thing.

    x

    • lostinamaze says:

      The voice thing really surprised me but it did help a lot for some reason. That intrigues me. I found the whole experience rather overwhelming probably because I had to step waaay out of my comfort zone to do this. I didn’t realize how hard it was until after the session. I was just bagged, I had little energy left.
      But in the end I’m glad that I did it.

  5. 1. Parrot T reference had me in stitches!
    2. I’m sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to know what happened!
    3. I completely understand, relate, empathize – everything- with the whole being too close to T. Twice I have been as close as your described and it dominated the session for me. I’m glad you fought through it!

    • lostinamaze says:

      It’s amazing the things that suddenly can pop into my mind at the oddest times! I was quite aware of our closeness throughout the session and felt it a relief when I was finally able to get up and move away when I was leaving.

  6. One long journey says:

    I got the sense from this tantalizing intro that it went well. Looking forward to the rest.

    OLJ

    • lostinamaze says:

      It was an interesting session and I think that it helped me to gain some perspective. The hardest part was pushing through and being honest about myself.

  7. I have been reading and will continue. I just want you to know that I will understand whatever it is that will happen in part two because chances are – I’ve been there myself. I have a very deep appreciation for the amount of courage it took for you to even consult another therapist. I so understand what you are going through and my heart goes out to you more than I can possibly express.

    {{{{{{{{Lost}}}}}}}}

    • lostinamaze says:

      I’m sorry that you have been there yourself because it just really sucks. But it helps to know somebody is understanding because I don’t think I’m understanding myself. Mostly just confused these days. I can’t help but wonder how everything will work out and how I will let go if I need to.

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