Back to Therapy part one

The relationship has changed.  I knew that the moment I walked in.   Boundaries have been changed.  Hers and mine. Boundaries have been drawn like a line in the sand.  I can sense that parts of me are not going to be involved with her anymore.  They are just not going to go there.  Parts of me are watching and waiting.  For what, that I’m not sure about.  And parts of me just can’t let her go.  They want to play the game no matter what the cost.  I feel torn in many different directions.

I just wanted therapy.  How did this get so complicated?

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11 Responses to Back to Therapy part one

  1. It got complicated because she screwed up and let you down. She forgot about consistency and trust and all those important things for the therapeutic relationship. It wasn’t your fault. It was hers. And you have every right to be angry.

    • lostinamaze says:

      You know something struck me in your comment, I should ask her what she believes about the therapeutic relationship. I wonder if she believes it has value in the manner that a lot of the studies seem to say.

      I think I’m more angry than I care to admit to and definitely haven’t let myself be honest about.

      • It would be interesting to hear what she has to say – especially after reading your recent post where you talk about her saying things like “You can’t be dependent on me”.

        My therapist actually encourages the attachment, as she sees it as a process that we need to work through. I have to be dependent in order to become interdependent. That is, not completely reliant on others but with a healthy requirement for meaningful relationship with others, able to ask for help when I need it without falling to pieces if she isn’t there. Something like that anyway – I’ve not got there yet!

        I hope you can begin to allow yourself to be angry, and to express it too.

        • lostinamaze says:

          I can see how that would be a natural process to follow through on. One thing that I have always told my t is that I don’t think I know how to have a meaningful type of relationship. I have never really had one and I don’t always know what one requires or how to behave. I think that I will need to do some research on the therapeutic relationship so I can ask her the right questions and be able to challenge her concepts in order to understand where she may be coming from. This is starting to sound like a lot of work for me. ‘sigh’

      • Sounds very frustrating. 😦

  2. Harriet says:

    I agree. And when you saw t#2 your feelings about this were validated. You know now somewhere in you that this isn’t your fault, and your t let you down. Abandoned you. How can the trust ever be built back up? I’m not saying it can’t, but it will take a lot of talking about it. Can she do it? Do you want to do it? Or do you want to just move on?

    • lostinamaze says:

      You are right. It was interesting to see t#2’s reactions to what I was saying about the situation.

      I don’t think the trust will be what it was. Once bitten, twice shy sort of thing. But I do think that at this time I need to work some stuff out with her before I see another t otherwise I will be stuck in this space for some time to come. This is all rather difficult.

  3. One long journey says:

    {{Lost}}

    When you say that boundaries have changed, do you mean from both sides? You went on to talk more about your parts that will not engage with her. Is that true from her side, do you think?

    I was thinking about you last night.

    • lostinamaze says:

      Yes I think boundaries have changed on both sides. I may be out to lunch but I feel that she has pulled away from me in some respects – nothing that I can put a finger on at this time. I wonder if she has issues when she feels the client is getting dependent in some way.

      I think there may be truth in what you have said. Thanks for your thoughts, I needed them.

      • Do you think she is pulling away or that you are both pulling away from each other?

        The whole “You can’t be dependent on me” line was actually hurtful to read, let alone hear it from your own T. I think (I could be wrong) that most of us sort of collapse into dependency, but we work our way out and sometimes back in. What is the point of therapy if you can’t depend or rely on the person you’re working with?

        • lostinamaze says:

          I have felt that she has been pulling away in some subtle way which in turn has caused me to pull away as well.

          The “you can’t be dependent on me” was very hard to write. I almost deleted it several times. But I need to see it in writing, to see the reality of what she said. I tend to agree with what you say about therapy but obviously she has a different theory about it.

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