My session last night was out of the ordinary in that we had another person join us. She is a psychologist who mainly works with children who have attachment difficulties. She works in the same agency as my t and I think they are good friends. My t and I agreed last week that she would come into one of our sessions to talk to me about attachment and all that goes with it. Who knew that it was such a huge and involved subject? So mainly I just sat and listened. I found it very interesting and it helped that the psychologist seemed like a very nice person. Her face was kind and her manner was engaging. You could tell that this subject is close to her heart.
On the other hand it was a strange session. I think I’ve been writing that word a lot lately. My t and I were sitting in the same room in near to each other but there was hardly any interaction between us. She was mainly making sure that I understood what was being said and relating some of the stuff to me.
There was one thing that particularly struck me. I told her that a couple of times I’ve tried to have a deeper friendship with someone. The trouble was if I opened up a bit to the friend (I was thinking of my t here) and they started showing some care and concern, I could feel myself becoming a sponge that was about to get out of control wanting more and more. Like an out of control craving. And I’m sure that would be the fastest way to drive someone away from me. So my response to ‘what if I lose control’ is to walk away before that happens.
The psychologist said something interesting to me in response to this. She said that often happens with kids. If a child scraps his knee and he gets a positive response, such as comfort, and then the child realizes the positive response feels good he may keep hurting himself to keep getting that response. She said the way she responses to this is by giving the child all the comfort he needs until that craving for comfort is satisfied.
So my take on what she said was, let the child become dependent and clingy until they realize the relationship is safe and then from that point independence can be rebuilt in a healthy way. I’m probably over simplifying it and I may all out to lunch with my understanding.
My biggest question is I have some knowledge about what might be going on in me so now what? I guess I will see how my t will answer this. I’m not sure how I would work on this stuff as an adult. And can I work on this within the time-line I am on with my t?