I didn’t write about about my last therapy session sooner, problem is, I don’t remember a lot about it but I have certainly been thinking about it. One thing I know for sure is that I was in my alternate universe otherwise known as dissociation. I had my session during the time period when I thought I was losing my family doc.
What I do remember is that I hardly made any eye contact with my t. I don’t ever remember doing that before. I almost always make eye contact.
I do remember there was a lot of extended silences. I was having trouble finding any words to say and when I did speak I don’t think I sounded very coherent half the time.
My t asked me a few times if I wanted to continue to work on attachment. I told yes I still wanted to work on it and was I indicating in some way that I didn’t? She said no, she just wanted to make sure. That question has been bothering me this week. Does she think when I am having a hard time with something that I don’t want to work on it? I think I will try to screw my courage up and challenge her on that (in a nice way).
As I said I have thought (over thinking I’m sure) about this session and something has been bothering me about it.
Because of the circumstances that were going on with both my t and my family doc, a part of me showed up in the session that hasn’t been showed up until now. Somehow she escaped out of the tightly contained space I had her in. That abandoned child part (did I just say that?).
But it doesn’t matter because I don’t think she was seen anyway. And the thing that bothers me the most is that I know she wasn’t heard in this session.
I think an opportunity was lost to talk to that abandoned child part. By my t and by me. It wouldn’t have been pretty but I have a feeling it would have been very revealing.
I think I have her safely put away again.