I didn’t realize how many blog posts I had written until I wrote my last post and noticed a number. It said 109 posts. It kind of surprised me to realize that I have written that many posts.
I first discovered the world of blogs when I was first diagnosed with panic disorder/agoraphobia. I had no idea what it was only what it felt like. I decided to research it out on the internet. I was amazed by the mental health community that was online. I had no concept that this even existed. I learned all about my mental ‘whatever you want to call it’. What I found most helpful was I learned that I wasn’t alone and many other people were experiencing the same thing as me. So I started reading blogs about mental illness.
When my doc was in the process of trying to figure out what was wrong with me she also somehow figured out that my past wasn’t quite right. To this day I’m not sure what tipped her off. I wasn’t reading any blogs about child abuse yet but I was reading Harriet’s blog by this time. One day for some reason I clicked on a blog on her blog roll and another whole world opened up to me. I was amazed once again (even though I wasn’t yet really admitting to abuse) that there was this whole community out there that had experienced this stuff as well. Even now it still amazes me that I can relate to so much of what is written by others.
There are so many good blogs out there and I was/am learning so much about myself through them. Almost like my experience with group therapy.
At first writing my own blog never even entered my mind. I don’t consider myself a very good writer and even now I wonder if I even make any sense half the time. But I was fairly sure nobody would read it so it was a mote point anyway. I finally decided that I needed an outlet for the thoughts that continuously plague me and that this would be an interesting venue to write in. And so I took the big scary plunge.
And now I am writing my 110th post. Who knew that I would end up having so much to say. In the beginning I didn’t know what direction this blog would take. I only knew that I wanted to write about some of my journey of finding my way through the aftermath of abuse. To write about stuff that I can’t talk about F2F. And in time who knows where this blog will wander.
But what really amazes me is the support that I have found here. Somehow I never expected that to happen. In some ways it has kept me going through some tough times.
I have ‘met’ really great people here.
I just want to thank all you who have supported and encouraged me whether you comment or not. Much to my own amazement it does mean a lot to me.