Who Knew

I didn’t realize how many blog posts I had written until I wrote my last post and noticed a number.  It said 109 posts.  It kind of surprised me to realize that I have written that many posts.

I first discovered the world of blogs when I was first diagnosed with panic disorder/agoraphobia.  I had no idea what it was only what it felt like.  I decided to research it out on the internet.  I was amazed by the mental health community that was online. I had no concept that this even existed.  I learned all about my mental ‘whatever you want to call it’.  What I found most helpful was I learned that I wasn’t alone and many other people were experiencing the same thing as me. So I started reading blogs about mental illness.

When my doc was in the process of trying to figure out what was wrong with me she also somehow figured out that my past wasn’t quite right.  To this day I’m not sure what tipped her off.  I wasn’t reading any blogs about child abuse yet but I was reading Harriet’s blog by this time. One day for some reason I clicked on a blog on her blog roll and another whole world opened up to me.  I was amazed once again (even though I wasn’t yet really admitting to abuse) that there was this whole community out there that had experienced this stuff as well.  Even now it still amazes me that I can relate to so much of what is written by others.

There are so many good blogs out there and I was/am learning so much about myself through them.  Almost like my experience with group therapy.

At first writing my own blog never even entered my mind. I don’t consider myself a very good writer and even now I wonder if I even make any sense half the time.  But I was fairly sure nobody would read it so it was a mote point anyway.  I finally decided that I needed an outlet for the thoughts that continuously plague me and that this would be an interesting venue to write in.  And so I took the big scary plunge.

And now I am writing my 110th post.  Who knew that I would end up having so much to say.  In the beginning I didn’t know what direction this blog would take.  I only knew that I wanted to write about some of my journey of finding my way through the aftermath of abuse. To write about stuff that I can’t talk about F2F.  And in time who knows where this blog will wander.

But what really amazes me is the support that I have found here.  Somehow I never expected that to happen.  In some ways it has kept me going through some tough times.

I have ‘met’ really great people here.

I just want to thank all you who have supported and encouraged me whether you comment or not.  Much to my own amazement it does mean a lot to me.

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11 Responses to Who Knew

  1. Cassie says:

    I’m always reading even if I don’t comment much.
    I can’t remember now when I joined the mental health blogging community and connected to other blogs. But it’s pretty amazing when you’re able to share so much with others, others who can relate and have similar experiences and feelings to you. I’m so glad to have found online connections.

    Take care,
    Cassie x

    • lostinamaze says:

      Thanks Cassie, I don’t know anyone in my offline life that has mental stuff that I experience. I do know part of the reason is that I haven’t let anyone know what is going on so I am glad I found this community. It has helped me to figure out what is going on with me.

  2. Just Be Real says:

    Geez, it will be three years for me come March. I started my blog just a little bit after going to t.

    I come to your blog because I want to. You share your realness. That is what I appreciate so much.


    • lostinamaze says:

      Sometimes I find it hard to be real especially with myself. I have spent most of my life being what others want me to be. It’s hard to break out of that. This blog has been a good place to try to be who I really am.

  3. One long journey says:

    Thanks for keeping up with your blog – your capturing of the therapeutic process has been helpful. I don’t know how many posts I’ve written – but certainly have fallen off a lot. Although sad, it is nice to know there are others out there with similar pasts. I’m glad I’ve connected with you 🙂

    Take care,

    • lostinamaze says:

      This blog has been really helpful for me to try to express how I’m feeling – particularly about therapy these days. Some days it seems that there is so much going on within me that I might explode. The writing helps me to let off a little of the pressure.

      I’m glad too.

  4. Harriet says:

    I wonder how many posts I’ve written – I’ve been writing my blog for 2 years. I too have found the blogging community so supportive and encouraging. I can be myself here unlike in real life. Thank you for continuing to write your blog, it is helpful to me to know I am not alone in my struggles.

    • lostinamaze says:

      If people I knew f2f read this blog I don’t think they would recognize me in it. Nothing I say here is said elsewhere in real life (except some stuff in therapy). I think one of the most amazing things for me was finding out I wasn’t alone. Although I’m not sure why I thought I was.

  5. WS says:

    I’ve been shocked by the number that I’ve written too…
    It’s odd seeing as you start without any clue that it is something that you may come to use far more than you expected… and the support…? Yeah. I never realised that that was a part of blogging…

    Thinking of you Lost and hoping that the coming year will bring fresh insight and less pain than the previous one has.

    I don’t have any answers for you (I was going to try to answer the question you asked in your reply on the last post… but I gave up) but I am always here and listening.


    • lostinamaze says:

      And I really didn’t have any clue when I starting blogging. I wasn’t sure how it all really worked. I think that I just wanted to give voice to what was going on inside. I really had no other expectations. But the support has been something I really appreciate.

      Don’t worry about the answers, the listening is what counts most to me.

  6. Er… Sorry… That last post was from me… It registered an old ‘unused’ blog…

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