Out of Sorts

She asked me how I was.  My eyes shifted away and I started talking about how crappy the weather has been.  She asked me again and I wondered aloud when spring would happen.

And so started my therapy session.  She continued by asking if I had done my homework.  I hadn’t time to do it and since I was on a two-week break from therapy I forgot about it as the days went by.  But the biggest thing was I just didn’t have time to do it.  I told my t that I had barely time to breathe let alone do anything extra.

Partway through my session it took a direction I haven’t been often.  I don’t go in-depth with my t on my everyday doings.  She will ask me how things are going.  I will tell her a went for a hike or my job sucks this week, something like that.  It’s been the rare occasion where I talk in any depth about my day-to-day life.  I’m not sure why that is.

Partway through she once again asked how I was doing.  I finally decided on honesty.  Crappy was the word I used.  Of course my t asked me one those questions.  What were the feelings that made up crappy.  I thought about it but couldn’t come up with an answer.  So she proceeded to ask me a number of questions to help me figure out what was going on.

One of the questions she asked was what’s going on in your life?  I said what wasn’t going on and I proceeded to list everything out.  Apparently there was no stopping me now as my list of ‘woe is me’ kept getting longer…

You’re feeling overwhelmed? I looked at my t and said yes that’s a good word for it. My t spent the rest of my session helping me find some ways to make my life more bearable in regards to a couple of items on my list.

One of the things I’ve planned on doing is quitting three of my jobs that I do once a week.  The problem with me is that I will plan to do something and it could take me months to actually follow through.  My t wants me to make some definite dates on when I will quit these jobs and bring them to my next session.  I hope I can do it because I really want to change this.

Another item that was on my list of woes is I have had some trouble with a guy at my full-time job.  At the end of spending a day with him I just want to slit my throat.  My t wanted to try some role-playing with her.  Even though I felt weirded out by it I decided to give it a try.  The purpose was to try to help me with some healthy boundary setting. I’m not too good with boundaries especially with men.  This exercise did help me in finding decent words to say to this person to get them to back off.

How I feel hasn’t changed but I’m glad to have some concrete goals to work towards this week.

I like concrete when I’m feeling decidedly ungrounded.

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4 Responses to Out of Sorts

  1. Harriet says:

    I never talked about my day to day life with my t either! I thought I was the only one. For me, it feels too personal, too intimate, you know? Like he knows what I’m doing during the week, and I don’t know what he is doing. But lately I’ve been talking about my week, and my t really likes it. He has been trying to get me to do this for 2 years, and by giving up writing so much in my blog I have been able to. It’s great that your t was able to help you work on current issues that are overwhelming you.

    • lostinamaze says:

      A few times I’ve mentioned something to my t and she will comment that she didn’t know that fact about me. I will reply to her that there is probably a lot she doesn’t know about me. I feel the same as you concerning her knowing more about me and me not knowing hardly anything about her. But I never really thought about telling my t much about day to day life until she started asking questions about what might be going on.

  2. Just Be Real says:

    My t sessions usually begins with what is presently troubling me at the moment. Each week it varies. Then my t will usually ask, “so how are you doing with such and such we discussed last week.”

    Thanks for sharing dear one.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I like it when my t asks me definite questions like your t does. I just have to learn to be honest in my answers and not give the automatic answer of ‘all is well’ sort of thing. Honesty about how I really am is not one of my strongest points. 🙂

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