I have four sessions left.
She had looked at her calendar tonight and mentioned that we had only four weeks left. She didn’t need to tell me that. I’m already well aware of it.
I decided a few days ago that I would muster up all the courage I could find and tell her the plan I had come up with. I had written in this post about an idea that was starting to form in my head.
I knew it would take honesty on my part about how I would need to look after myself. I knew I would have to say this to a person who I actually really like. I knew I would have to put aside my ‘loyalty to one person’ feeling that leads to ‘I feel like I’m betraying you’ feeling. (not sure where that comes from). I knew I would have to say things, things that I have never said before, ever.
I started out by saying I’ve thought of what I should do after I’m finished. My t seemed to be happy that I’ve been doing this. But really it’s all about survival for me. I told her I thought that I would like to do some more short-term group therapy. Even though doing group therapy is very hard for me, I do learn a lot about myself through other people. And it’s not hard for me when it ends.
My t said tonight and has said before that I can come back to see her in the future. Once again I asked her how that would work. She said that she really wanted me to at least take the summer off, so I can see that I really could do this on my own. She said she wouldn’t leave me floundering so if something came up that I couldn’t get a handle on I could phone her. We would try to work it out on the phone and if that wasn’t possible I could come in and see her. If I wanted to work on a certain issue we could set up some sessions that could last up to, from what I understand, six months but certainly not a year.
So here’s where the crucial part of my plan comes in.
to be continued…otherwise this will be a very long post.