Therapy between my t and I has certainly changed.  The feel of the conversation to me is like a couple of acquaintances chatting over a cup of coffee.  Casual conversation about ‘ending’.  Weird.

The casual appearance is easy since the inward is suspended animation.  I’m not sure how I can go from feeling devastation to this non-feeling state.  Maybe I should enjoy it while I can.

This session my t gave me a list of therapists she recommended to me. That was kind of weird as well.  It makes me feel tired to think I will have to start over again.  I still haven’t decided if I will ever do therapy again.  This whole saga has taken a lot out of me. Maybe that’s why I feel like I’m in limbo.

I also asked her if she would let me know about any therapy groups that may start-up that would be appropriate for me to take part in.

I finally got the courage to ask her if I could keep in contact with her after we’re finished.  For some reason in my mind done is done. No contact allowed. To my surprise she said of course I could.  I looked at her and said “I can?”  She said I could email her, phone her or even drop in to say hi.  That even surprised me even more. She knows I won’t take advantage of it.  I rarely contacted her during our time together anyway.  Even though I may not contact her, it made me feel better that the option is there.   It won’t be a therapeutic contact but more like keeping in touch type of thing.

This session as we were talking about the above we started doing a project together.  There is a special place where I like to hike. It is a very wild mountainous place.  There is a river that winds its way through the area. The water is crystal clear and the rocks in this river are multi colored. Red, green, purple, black, brown, striped.  It is wondrous to me and I have spent hours there. It’s a place that brings me peace. (even though I need to keep my eyes open for bears).

I went out there last week even though there is still tons of snow and collected some of these rocks.  We spent a good part of this session writing down the words we will put on these rocks. My t and I will spend next session writing the words on them.  Some of the sayings will be the words she has said to me over and over in last two years.  Some will be reminders of what helps me through the tough times.

Doing this was like going down memory lane.  Kind of bitter sweet.

This entry was posted in Attachment, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Contact

  1. Just Be Real says:

    I am so glad you have that option to still be in contact with your t. I think you see this more and more in today’s age. Not as strict as t. once were. Although they do have to draw a line. Glad for you.

    That peaceful mountain terrain sounds wonderful.

    I am hoping this comment gets through as Blogger is under maintenance for a couple of days and we all are in limbo.

    Safe hugs to you.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I was actually surprised about being able to keep in some sort of limited contact. I’m not sure I would but it’s nice to have the option.

  2. Ellen says:

    So sad for you that your therapy is ending before you are ready. The wild pool sounds magical….I hope painting the words on rocks is soothing for you. I know how difficult it is to be attached and then needing to let go. Take care

  3. One long journey says:

    It’s great that you have a physical space that brings you peace – so helps to stay grounded. I like that your T does things with you like write on rocks (or play in sand). I can’t imagine mine doing something like that. I was thinking of showing her WG’s strip on art therapy.

    Thinking of you now in this ending. The ending will be difficult even when it’s my choice – I can’t imagine it being imposed on me. It’s nice that she said you could call or email. I doubt that you could just “drop by” unless it was a scheduled time.

    Take care.

    • lostinamaze says:

      Doing the creative thing has certainly helped me along in my therapy even though I’m not really all that creative.

      She did say dropping in is a hit and miss thing. She may not always be free. Anyway I don’t think I would have the courage to see her again f2f especially in a non therapy way.

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