I typically see my pdoc once a month but the June appointment was cancelled by his secretary because of his holidays. When he found out he promptly made a new one for me. Apparently he wanted to see me shortly after the ending of my therapy and before he went on holidays. But his office was closed on the day he could see me so he asked me if I would mind seeing him at the hospital. In the psych ward. Ahhh… was all that came out of my mouth. First off I dislike hospitals especially big ones partly due to my agoraphobia and due to my extreme fear of witnessing and experiencing sickness (mine and others). Secondly, a thought fleetingly went through my mind wondering if this was some sort of scheme to get me in there so he could lock me up. Anyways after a little discussion I agreed to meet him there.
The traffic was heavy on my way to the city and so I arrived a little late. As I pulled up to the curb to park I noticed a someone parking on the opposite side of the street. As I glanced that way I realized it was my pdoc. He saw me as I was getting out of my car and waited for me. Since he was waiting for me I walked up to him. He asked me if I got his message. Apparently he was running late as well and asked someone in the psych ward to let me know he would be there shortly. I think he knew how nervous I would be in that setting. I then casually suggested that maybe we could just sit on one of the outside benches to chat. At least that way I could avoid the hospital. He just smiled at me as we continued walking toward the building.
Then I couldn’t figure out how I should walk with him. Should I walk a few steps behind him like he is royalty or should I walk beside him like we are pals or should I walk ahead of him like I don’t know him.
I think I did all three by the time we got to the doors.
We ended up sitting in a big room in the day treatment area. It felt really disconcerting to me seeing him in an unfamiliar place. We ended up talking about what I was going to do next. About 8 months ago he suggested that maybe I should take a break from trauma work and work on my pd/agoraphobia. I just sort of ignored him except to ask him why. He said he was concerned with how stopping therapy was affecting me. And just by coincidence my GP (just after therapy ended) suggested that maybe I should give trauma work a break and work on the pd/agoraphobia. I mentioned this to my pdoc and he was all for it. He even wrote a letter to my doc about it. My doc made arrangements for me to meet with a therapist who works in her clinic. She apparently specializes in CBT. I thought I would give it a try. Although it makes me very nervous just thinking about working on this. We had our first meeting on Wednesday.