CBT Therapist

With some reluctance I met with the CBT therapist. The only reason I agreed was I knew we wouldn’t be talking about trauma issues.  She doesn’t do trauma and besides I’m not ready to go there.  I don’t think I can trust another therapist with those issues right now.

But dealing with the mental illness is a little different for me.  I haven’t dealt with this with a therapist.  Everything I’ve done to try to work with it I’ve done on my own.   I know I’ve come to a plateau with it in the last few years so maybe a therapist can help me progress further.

Thinking about dealing with this makes me very nervous.  It’s something I’ve tried to ignore even though it impacts my life a great deal.  I’m still not convinced entirely that it’s a ‘real’ mental illness.  I have read this online “Agoraphobia is NOT a mental illness, nor is it a symptom of mental illness; agoraphobia is a behavioural modification to prevent high anxiety, nothing more”.   I’m not really sure what to believe.  I do know the development of this in my life drastically changed it.

My pdoc thinks it’s severe, I don’t.  Of course I tend to think  that of the things I deal with in my life.  I’ve come a long way since I was first afflicted by agoraphobia and panic disorder.   So what if I can’t go to many places that I used to.  At least that’s what I like to tell myself.  Deep down I would like to do what I used to without giving it another thought.

Another thought came to me as I was thinking about this therapist.   Maybe seeing the CBT therapist will help me be able to gain back the confidence to go back to a therapist for my trauma issues.  Because the thought of seeing another therapist causes a huge wall to slam down even though I know I still need the help.

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8 Responses to CBT Therapist

  1. diver says:

    I too remain unconvinced that agoraphobia’s a mental illness. For me it was only ever a state of ‘dis-ease’ when I was fighting it … i.e when I was thinking the ‘right’ path out of the maze was the path of ‘being normal’.

    I quite liked that on-line definition you quoted. Though … rather than use the phrase ‘behavioural modification’ I think I’d prefer ‘instinctively correct behaviour’ or something like that. I mean, I often wonder if an agoraphobic is just an acutely sensitive individual whose nature is thoroughly unsuited/mismatched to the tense, pompous, competitive Western culture it was their misfortune to get born into. Y’know what I mean? Like a forest elf lost in the big city.

    CBT … sure, it may help you get back the life you once enjoyed. The problem though, may be that the agoraphobia had been somehow ‘designed’ by your inner self to carefully shield you from the tense, pompous, competitive life you once ‘enjoyed.’ Maybe. Maybe not. I guess it depends whether at heart you’re a forest elf or not …

    • lostinamaze says:

      I often ask myself what normal truly is. I tend to think ‘normal’ is a narrowly defined box these days. Interestingly you mention a forest elf. I do spend a great amount of time hiking in the forest, usually alone. It’s where I find my peace. Cities not so much. I like your perspective on the agoraphobia. I just wish it didn’t stop me from doing some things that I really wish I could do.

  2. Ellen says:

    I don’t find the term mental illness helpful actually. But something that restricts your life would be good to deal with. For me, a lot depends on whether I can connect with the therapist. Hope you like her. take care

    • lostinamaze says:

      It will be the first time I have dealt with this. I don’t know how much I will actually connect with her. At this point I won’t be talking to her about anything but the fear. I do like her, she has a nice soft manner.

      • I’m really glad to hear that she has a “nice soft manner”. My experiences with CBT have always included an abrupt sort of conversation style – almost argumentative/combative – if that makes sense. I really hope this will be a positive experience for you.

        • lostinamaze says:

          It does make sense to me. That type of manner wouldn’t go over very well with me. It will be interesting to see what will happen with this. This will be a new experience for me.

  3. JBR says:

    Hope all turns out well for you with her. Thank you for sharing. I learn a lot from others experiences. Safe hugs.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I also learn much from other peoples experiences. I’m just taking a wait and see approach although this will be completely different then what I was doing. I’ve been thinking of you. I hope you’re ok.

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