Just Do It

You can do it.  I have great faith that you can.

I wouldn’t do this (end therapy) if I knew you couldn’t.

These words were often spoken to me by my former t especially near the end of therapy.  The words annoy the crap out of me, to put it mildly.  My response to her when she first said them was “I know I can do it”.  I have been doing it all my life.  She would then say that she knew I could do it in a healthy way.  Going for walks, using my (supposed) supports, kayaking, etc.  I would say back to her, I have been doing those things all my life.  They are nothing new to me.

We were talking about coping.

She would continue the conversation by saying how as a child I figured out how to cope with all the crap going on.  I would just shrug my shoulders.  I did what I did.  I always had healthy coping skills mixed in with the bad coping skills.

After the first few times she said this to me I quit responding to it.  I would just smile at her.  Sometimes I wasn’t sure who she was trying to convince, herself or me.  But more often then not I started equating with what she was saying to ‘now therapy can end because you can cope in a healthy way’.

And this is one of the reasons for the first break and for therapy ending.  So I can put into practice those skills I learned.

I would tell her that I wanted more then just coping.  Healthy or otherwise.

F*** coping.  I just want to be able to live my life fully and not have it directed by what happened in the past.  Is that to much to ask?

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10 Responses to Just Do It

  1. JBR says:

    Not too much to ask at all. I would hate having to constantly hear those words as well. I am so very sorry LIM what you are experiencing and going through now. I cannot imagine!

    • lostinamaze says:

      When I think about those words I wonder if she thinks I don’t need therapy at all. And it makes me feel deficient somehow in thinking coping is not enough for me.

  2. I don’t think it’s too much to ask. Who wants to simply “survive”? We want to LIVE.

    • lostinamaze says:

      How true, I’ve spent my life surviving. Words like that make me wonder if there’s nothing more than surviving for me. I do want more.

  3. I agree. To me, it always feels like what they are saying is. im done, theres nothing more i can do. Cue abandonment and rejection issues. And i agree, ‘surviving’ is never enough. xx

    • lostinamaze says:

      I wonder if there is truth in what your saying about this. Maybe there is nothing more she can do for me. I just wish if that’s the case she would have come right out and said it. This would tie into a comment she made to me that it might be good for me to try someone else. Abandonment/rejection for sure!

  4. Harriet says:

    Life should be more than coping. We are all strong people, we can cope. I think what we want is to live.

    • lostinamaze says:

      You’re so right. I know I’m strong probably too strong when to comes right down to it. I wonder what living really is for me. Stuff to think about.

  5. Are you doing okay Lost?

    • lostinamaze says:

      I’m ok sanity, lots going on with my family these days. And nobody irl to talk to. Thanks for checking. Means lots.

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