It was left up to me to make the next appointment with the CBT therapist. She suggested that I make it in two weeks time. To be fair, she left it up to me because of my work schedule. I work seven days a week and it’s hard to fit things in.
I haven’t made the appointment yet. Every time I think of it I start feeling discouraged and a lot of other things that I can’t seem to figure out. I start wondering if it is worth it. The thought of working with another therapist feels like an insurmountable wall even though what I will be doing is totally different. I know all therapists aren’t the same but sometimes I struggle not to generalize my experience to all of them.
I also think that deep down there is fear of pushing against my physical boundaries that are in place. I have already worked hard on my own to expand that zone but it hasn’t grown in a several years now. There are still many places I can’t go to, my travel is limited to certain areas, there are still items I must carry and safety behaviours that I engage in when I do go places. It is all rather tiresome and it makes me feel rather quirky (which it is I’m sure). I really do want to get past this but… The thing is there was a time I could do most anything without a second thought.
So my coping skill at this moment is withdrawing into my shell just like a turtle. So much for healthy coping skills. I have no energy for them anyway. I will try to stick my head out long enough to make an appointment. Maybe next week.