Turtle

It was left up to me to make the next appointment with the CBT therapist.  She suggested that I make it in two weeks time.  To be fair, she left it up to me because of my work schedule.  I work seven days a week and it’s hard to fit things in.

I haven’t made the appointment yet.  Every time I think of it I start feeling discouraged and a lot of other things that I can’t seem to figure out. I start wondering if it is worth it.   The thought of working with another therapist feels like an insurmountable wall even though what I will be doing is totally different.  I know all therapists aren’t the same but sometimes I struggle not to generalize my experience to all of them.

I also think that deep down there is fear of pushing against my physical boundaries that are in place. I have already worked hard on my own to expand that zone but it hasn’t grown in a several years now.  There are still many places I can’t go to, my travel is limited to certain areas, there are still items I must carry and safety behaviours that I engage in when I do go places.  It is all rather tiresome and it makes me feel rather quirky (which it is I’m sure).  I really do want to get past this but…  The thing is there was a time I could do most anything without a second thought.

So my coping skill at this moment is withdrawing into my shell just like a turtle.  So much for healthy coping skills.  I have no energy for them anyway.  I will try to stick my head out long enough to make an appointment.  Maybe next week.

 

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This entry was posted in Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Change, Control, Panic Disorder, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Turtle

  1. So understanding you right now Lost… Your confusion and your procrastination… It’s fear. Fear tries to hold us back ALL the time.
    I get it that, right now, just LOOKING ahead makes your legs feel too weak and mind too weary to even begin to face the challenges / obstacles that appear to lie between you and the help available.
    I want to encourage you though Lost.
    Stay in your shell for a while. Gather some strength, and then try to step out and have a go.
    Put some blinkers on though… Don’t let ourself look further than the very next step.

    Much love.
    x

    • lostinamaze says:

      Even though I know I need the help I feel if I reach out I will get hurt again. Fear is strong, I hope I can be stronger when the time comes. The obstacles that are within me are daunting.

  2. Diver says:

    Being a turtle isn’t so bad. Aesop would’ve probably likened ‘normal’ folks to rabbits and so-called ‘agoraphobics’ to turtles. And we all know what happened in that story …

    Quirky? Wow, I reckon ‘quirky’ is WAY more interesting than ‘not quirky’. I’m thinking of that movie ‘Amelie’ now.

    That’s two big plusses as I read it ma’am, well done!

    Yours in turtling, Diver

  3. Did you ever make another appointment?

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