Here I Go

About a month ago my cell phone rang while I was at work.  I wasn’t in a position to answer it but I briefly looked at it to see what number it was.  It was a blocked number.  I quickly stopped the ring but two seconds later it rang again.  My cell phone doesn’t ring very often. I mostly text.  It was the blocked caller again so I excused myself and answered it. To my great surprise it was the agency that my former t works for.  They asked me if I was still interested in taking the group therapy I was put on the waiting list for.

I had forgotten all about the conversation I had with my former therapist about this group just before we ended.  In one session we were talking about relationships and she mentioned this therapy group (about relationships) that is run twice a year through the agency.  There was one starting right at that time and she asked me if I was interested in participating in it.  I told her I was interested but not at that time.  I needed to finished up with her first.  Otherwise she would have suspended therapy with her while I was in the group and then start-up again for a few last weeks.  But I just needed to be done with her and not this stop and start stuff.  I agreed to be put on the waiting list for the next go around.

It went totally out of my mind until the phone call.  It caught me off guard.  I stumbled through a reply and said I was interested.  They said they would phone at a later date to make an appointment for an intake interview.

I had the interview Thursday evening.   I was quite freaked out walking into the building. I really didn’t want to run into my former t. I looked at the list where the names of the counsellors are written who are still in the building.  Hers wasn’t on it.  What a relief.   But I did find it very weird to talk to the same receptionist asking for a different t.

The interview was with both facilitators which I also found nerve-wracking.  I find it hard enough to be in the room with one therapist let alone two.  I felt a bit like a bug under inspection which I guess I was in a way.

The interview went fine but I found some of the questions hard to answer.  I don’t know these therapists at all.  But I did it.

As it turns out there still is a connection with my former t.  One of the facilitators is a practicum student and her supervisor is my former t.  Yikes!  I talked to the student a bit about this and there is a confidentiality thing in place where she can’t use any names.  The only thing she would discuss with her supervisor is the group process and not about the people.  That eased my mind a bit but it bothers me that my former t is still tied to this even if it’s not directly.  I just hope I don’t run into her.

So once again I will enter the world of therapy.  It will be in a group setting which suits me fine.  It is only for 10 weeks which also suits me fine.  I haven’t yet looked for a private t but I hoping this will help me open up to the counselling process again.  Right now I feel closed to it because of what happened.  This will be a safer way to test the waters again.

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16 Responses to Here I Go

  1. JBR says:

    I am glad for you dear one. I learned something here, I did not know some groups require an interview Do they want to make sure you are compatible with the others. Thank you for sharing dear one. Safe hugs.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I think they do the interview to see if you meet the criteria for this group as well compatibility. They want to get to know a person and some of your background as well. Maybe it’s also some sort of safety issue as well.

  2. Wow, how courageous of you! Looking forward to hearing all about it. xx

  3. Congrats on such a big step. I’m looking forward to hearing how it goes! 🙂

  4. You are so very brave to put yourself back there. I look forward to following your journey x

  5. Ellen says:

    Seems like a good thing to do. I’ve just started group therapy….I’ll be especially interested to see how you find it.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I like group therapy because I don’t get attached to the therapists like I seemed to do with individual therapy. Much easier for me.

  6. willfindhope says:

    Hope the group therapy goes okay and is helpful. x

  7. lostinamaze says:

    I really hope so too.

  8. maryann says:

    Good luck, you are much braver than I. I’m afraid I would never open my mouth in a group setting.

    • lostinamaze says:

      It’s not easy for sure but I have found for me that I learn a lot about myself through others. I find it an interesting experience in that sense.

  9. Harriet says:

    I’m not sure I could do group therapy so I give you a lot of credit – I hope it works out well.

    • lostinamaze says:

      The thing I like about group therapy is I don’t attach to anyone like what happened to me with individual. That makes it a bit safer to me yet at the same time all those eyes make me feel a bit unsafe. If that makes any sense…

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