All week I was on the verge of cancelling my first group therapy session. So much has been going on with my mom. She is back in the hospital and a few days ago I thought she might not make it. She is doing better but in the meantime there has been so much to deal with concerning her stuff. At the same time I feel I need to do the group therapy so I decided to go.
As I walked into the room I noticed the chairs were in a circle. I hate circles. They make me nervous. I’d rather sit at a long table or in a row. The second thing I noticed was large pieces of blank paper on a few tables. Oh yeah, I seemed to have forgotten that creativity was going to be incorporated into these sessions. Creative I am not.
Then I sat down, pulling the chair just a wee bit out of the circle hoping nobody noticed. Did I mention I dislike being in a circle? The first thing we did was introduce ourselves with one thing we like to do. I said kayaking. Then we had to do a bunch of business type stuff, goals and what not. After we got through this our attention was directed to the large blank pieces of paper. The co-facilitator asked us to introduce ourselves in a broader way by drawing and not using words. They told us that being artistic wasn’t the point of the exercise. That’s good because my stick dog wasn’t pretty 🙂
I stared at the blank piece of paper. What would people even want to know about me. I found myself thinking that I didn’t have anything interesting to say/draw about myself. I really struggled with this. I finally decided to draw what I love and a few things I do. I kept the things I do generic because I didn’t want to get into details with people I don’t know and their connections outside of the group. In a smaller city these people might be total strangers or they might be connected in some way to people I know without me realizing it. It has happened before that I have had mutual friends with someone who is a stranger to me. It has made me a little paranoid.
This will be an interesting group experience for me. This group is for women who have had relationships in which abuse, imbalance, etc has played a part. It includes childhood relationships as well as adult ones. We’ll see where it takes me.