“I was thinking of you the other day”. I’m not sure those are the type of words I want to hear from my pdoc. “Why…?” I asked. He said that he went into the big store with his wife to buy a piece of furniture and when he went through the doors he thought of me. “And why would that be?” I asked again. He said he stopped and said to himself “this isn’t so hard” “why can’t she do this?” “It’s not that big of a deal to walk into here”.
This being about my agoraphobia of course. My pdoc is always trying to talk me into going into this particular store. I always just smile at him in response.
I need to backtrack a month.
During my session with him last month we were talking about my anxiety and my inability to overcome the agoraphobia. I mentioned to him that it seems hard for most people to understand if they haven’t experienced it for themselves. At least this has been my experience with the very few people I’ve told. My pdoc then related to me how he just had an MRI and had to stop the procedure to take an Ativan before he could carry on. He told me he it gave him some idea of what I go through. He said fortunately he doesn’t have to face this phobia very often. Unlike me who faces it everyday.
Back to big store.
When he said to me his thoughts”why can’t she do this?” I quietly reminded him about his experience with the MRI. An MRI isn’t that big of a deal to a lot of people as well. I sort of winced inside when I said this. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do.
My pdoc smiled at me and told me right after he had these thoughts about me his experience with the MRI came back to him and he thought the same thing I just said. “Exactly” I said. We then spent some time discussing anxiety and fear. It’s nice to know he has some idea of what it’s like for me. I also told him I’m scheduled for one in March. I hope that it doesn’t freak me out too much. Getting into the hospital might be the biggest challenge. It’s big and open. Yikes!
He still wants me to go into the big store and I still just smile at him.
PS – my therapy group was cancelled this week because one of the facilitators went to a conference in Ontario.