Thinking of You

“I was thinking of you the other day”.  I’m not sure those are the type of words I want to hear from my pdoc.  “Why…?” I asked.  He said that he went into the big store with his wife to buy a piece of furniture and when he went through the doors he thought of me.  “And why would that be?” I asked again.  He said he stopped and said to himself “this isn’t so hard” “why can’t she do this?” “It’s not that big of a deal to walk into here”.

This being about my agoraphobia of course.  My pdoc is always trying to talk me into going into this particular store.  I always just smile at him in response.

I need to backtrack a month.

During my session with him last month we were talking about my anxiety and my inability to overcome the agoraphobia. I mentioned to him that it seems hard for most people to understand if they haven’t experienced it for themselves.  At least this has been my experience with the very few people I’ve told.  My pdoc then related to me how he just had an MRI and had to stop the procedure to take an Ativan before he could carry on.  He told me he it gave him some idea of what I go through.  He said fortunately he doesn’t have to face this phobia very often.  Unlike me who faces it everyday.

Back to big store.

When he said to me his thoughts”why can’t she do this?” I quietly reminded him about his experience with the MRI.  An MRI isn’t that big of a deal to a lot of people as well.  I sort of winced inside when I said this. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do.

My pdoc smiled at me and told me right after he had these thoughts about me his experience with the MRI came back to him and he thought the same thing I just said.  “Exactly” I said.  We then spent some time discussing anxiety and fear.  It’s nice to know he has some idea of what it’s like for me.  I also told him I’m scheduled for one in March. I hope that it doesn’t freak me out too much.  Getting into the hospital might be the biggest challenge.  It’s big and open. Yikes!

He still wants me to go into the big store and I still just smile at him.

PS – my therapy group was cancelled this week because one of the facilitators went to a conference in Ontario.

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8 Responses to Thinking of You

  1. I think it’s great that your Pdoc can understand, in some degree, the fear you experience with agoraphobia. I sometimes wonder if my Pdoc actually gets it when she suggests meditation and breathing techniques.

    • lostinamaze says:

      It is nice that he understands on some level. He has never suggested breathing or meditation to me. When I think about it he hasn’t really suggest much of anything to me except to keep on trying to go into the store which I’m not very inclined to try.

  2. Gosh, I would have thought that a really insensitive thing for pdoc to say if he hadn’t added the ‘but then’. I think you were absolutely right to remind him about the MRI.

    • lostinamaze says:

      He does tend to be on the insensitive side at times which I’ve gotten used to. I have to say it did give me some satisfaction to remind him of his fear. But really I shouldn’t have to I would think.

  3. Leslie says:

    Oh my gosh, for a moment I was so angry with your pdoc, I almost didn’t finish reading your post! While I appreciate that the MRI helped him get it a little…I’m still annoyed with him on your behalf. After all, isn’t understanding this sort of thing what he went to school for??? Geez…

  4. lostinamaze says:

    There have been a few occasions where he has made an odd statement like that. I, too, have wondered where it comes from. It does make me question if he thinks problems like mine aren’t legitimate or that it is some kind of flaw that I really shouldn’t have. While I’m sure he understands anxiety head-wise I really don’t think he has much empathy.

  5. JBR says:

    Wow, great Pdoc response. Empathy/compassion I find is so vital on my journey. Some tiimes I really question people’s occupations. They are always lacking something. Thanks for sharing dear one.

    • lostinamaze says:

      Sometimes I’m not sure how to take him or respond to him. The one good thing though it’s that I don’t think I’m overly attached to him.

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