Resilience. For some reason this is a word that causes resistance in me. As soon as I hear phrase “You are a resilient person” I feel this resistance start to rise up. I’m not entirely sure why. You’d think it would be a compliment. I’ve been thinking about it since the last session and came up with a few ideas. Who knows if these reasons are valid, I could be way out in left field for all I know.
First off I tend to equate a resilient person with one who is an overcomer of adverse circumstances. One who has an inner strength. I don’t think I’m an overcomer and I don’t think I have an inner strength.
Secondly when the therapist would say I am resilient I would resist (fear) that idea because in my mind I would hear ‘you don’t need help, you can do it on your own’. Because you know I’m so resilient.
I know, twisted thinking.
I decided to look up the word in the dictionary.
Definition of Resilient: a: capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture. b: tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change
Now for sure I know I’m not resilient. If I’m honest I think I’ve experienced permanent rupture in some areas of my life. And I certainly don’t adjust easily to change.
On the other hand I’m slowly recovering from my ‘misfortune’ in some areas. So does that make me resilient? I know I’m probably looking at it in a simple way but that’s where my brain is at right now.
I wonder if I need to find a new word, something more accurate to describe my survival through my ‘misfortune’. (besides the word survivor)
These are just some random thoughts that have gone through my head. This session was about resilience. We did some artwork around it and had some discussion. I actually talked more than usual.
I enjoyed this session, it got me thinking. What am I?