Tenth Session

I sit in my car and wonder if this will be the last time I will be in this parking lot.  My former therapist works for this agency and now group therapy is coming to an end.  I feel at odds about it.  I’m sad that therapy is ending once again but glad I don’t have to drive in winter conditions.  I drove in a blizzard on my way to this last session.   Not fun.

We had decided that we would have a fondue and snacks.  Each of us including the facilitators brought something.  We started the session with eating.  It was all very yummy.

Then we gathered in our circle one last time.  First we had to take care of some business.

The week before we had to fill out the outcome questionnaires one last time.  I had a feeling I didn’t do well on mine.  I was having a bummed out week and it was probably reflected in my answers.  I was dreading what would be the result of it.  And it wasn’t good.  My score had worsened.  Even so I felt confident the facilitators wouldn’t bother me with it since this was the last session.

We revisited our goals and discussed how we may have worked our way towards some of them.  I told them how I worked toward one of my goals by being  open with one of my friends a I few weeks ago.  My friend’s sister has a serious mental illness and she had told me the struggle they both were having trying to work their way through the system and how my friend was struggling to understand her sister illness.  After much debating with myself I told her I understood some of what she was going through and then I took a bigger leap and told her why.

I actually ended up talking a lot in this session.  Somehow I found this an easier session.  I think because it was the end and the pressure was off.

After business was taken care of we read the farewell cards that each of us had done for each other.  It was a very powerful and emotional time.  It caught me off guard.  I didn’t cry but felt emotional when the cards addressed to me were read.  I was overwhelmed by what was said about me.  I’m not sure how they saw the stuff they said in me.  Then the facilitators gave each one of us two red roses. It was really nice.

It was getting close to the ending time and we gave each other a hug and as one of the facilitators hugged me she asked me if I could stay a few minutes after.

I guess they weren’t going to let my worse score go unnoticed.

to be continued…

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This entry was posted in Abandonment, Change, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Tenth Session

  1. JBR says:

    Dear one sorry you feel at odds. The uncertainly can be horrific at times. Just not knowing. Glad you opened up a bit in group and felt comfortable enough to share. Safe hugs.

    • lostinamaze says:

      It was good to share a bit but I’m sure I waited until the last day knowing I wouldn’t see these people again. I don’t know if that’s good or not. 🙂

  2. Diver says:

    Awww tense … fondue, group hugs, farewell cards, red roses. I’m overwhelmed just reading about it. But then I have issues with almost any kind of ‘socially confining’ group activity. Just me I guess, only good for 1:1 it seems.

    Don’t get me wrong, I admire your facilitators for putting so much love into their work and into the group, wow, amazing. And yet at the same time it sounds like everyone in the group has had ‘performance contracts’ slapped on them (those ‘outcome questionnaires’). From your post I get the impression they come at you with red roses in one hand and a whip in the other, sort-of like ‘carrot and stick’ therapy. Maaan, all of that would knock me about I think, leave my head spinning. I’d end up in the car park so glad it was over … and not just out of concern about blizzards.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I have a really hard time with groups as well but I try to persevere with this. I do learn quite a lot about myself when listening to others. Not easy though when it’s all I can do to not to go running out of the room at times.

      I think The ‘OQ’s’ are something this non profit agency does to track changes in a person during therapy. Here is a site that shows the questions we have to answer.

      cmhc.utexas.edu/pdf/OQ45report.pdf

      Contributors/donators to the agency also like to see concrete evidence of what is going on in the organization so I’m told. I had to fill these out when I had individual therapy as well. But my therapist didn’t put too much stock in them and to her credit quit asking me to do them. Although we have to do them it seems the therapists don’t make a big deal of them. They would show them to us and ask us if we had any questions about them but that’s all the discussion that happened. I think the therapists only do them because the agency asks them to. Anyway I hope this makes some sense.

      • Diver says:

        Thanks, your reply made complete sense. I had the wrong idea about those forms. Nice to hear that there’s no strings attached to the roses and fondue 🙂 Thanks for the link. It was interesting reading and a blast from the past for a renegade old psychologist like me. Helps me realise how feral I’ve gone 🙂

        • lostinamaze says:

          Your comment made me think about the ‘OQs’ and to do some investigation on them. I have wondered about them on occasion and had also wondered if the therapists were telling me the whole story of why they wanted me to do them. I tend to have a suspicious and questioning mind. 🙂 So I appreciated the fact your comment made me dig further. Something I’ve been wanting to do for a while now. 🙂

  3. Argh! Cliffhanger!

    It sounds like you had an awesome final group session in that you were able to open up and share your experiences so well. I’m very interested in hearing what happened next and what your plans are for after therapy.

  4. lostinamaze says:

    I didn’t want to write everything in one post. It would have the potential to turn into a novel 🙂
    It was a good session. Some people got very emotional about ending. I think we bonded as a group fairly well and it helped that there was only five participants. I am glad it’s over though.

  5. alfred beilin says:

    hi there all the best to yous for 2012
    alfie

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