I don’t usually don’t do warnings about triggers because I don’t really know what triggers people. I try not to talk or write in detail mainly because I don’t like to. But there might be some stuff in here that may trigger. Not sure but warning is given…
I’ve had a rough few weeks. I ended up getting really sick and missing seven days of work. That’s the most I’ve ever missed in my working life. It started out as a flu and then moved into my chest. I thought I was going to choke up a lung or two. I finally went to a doc and he promptly put me on antibiotics saying I had crackly sounding lungs.
Going to a doc for that or anything else that doesn’t involve touching me doesn’t bother me too much. But there is something I need to see a doc about. I have a small lump on the bottom of my foot and lately it has really been hurting when I walk. I walk a lot. It hurts a lot.
The trouble is, the thought of getting it removed is bringing up a nasty memory or two or three. And it’s these memories that are making it difficult to deal with it medically. I think I’ve mentioned before how I learned to keep quiet about stuff that was wrong with me physically. I learned this very quickly. My father on occasion would play doctor. The first time I remember this happening was when I had a lump on the bottom of my foot and happened to complain about it.
He sat me down in a chair in front of him, took out his knife and proceeded to sharpen it. Well that’s enough detail. Needless to say I sat there frozen and didn’t make a sound but there sure was a lot of pain afterward.
I guess that will teach me to complain.
So now I’m reluctant to ask the doc about this. The memory is strong and persistent. I will be seeing her on Monday on an unrelated matter. I’m trying to work up the courage to ask her to help with this.