Development upon Development

Change.  I really don’t like change.  Fast.  I don’t like when things are moving fast.

It makes my head spin.  It makes me dissociative.

On Tuesday I went to the doctor to have my wrist x-rayed once again.  It seems I will have the cast on for anther 4 – 6 weeks.  Great.  Some days it’s all I can do not to rip it off.  I can feel a slow build up of panic.  I feel trapped.  Strange because it’s only my arm in a cast.

A few days before Tuesday when I was at the doc’s I told her what happened with the agency.  She was appalled.  I quietly mentioned that I felt like plan A was slipping through my hands and plan B was looking better.  I told her I felt discouraged about trying to find another therapist.  She said she would talk to the medical clinic’s social worker for some thoughts about therapists.  When I arrived for the x-ray she handed me a note with some other agencies that the social worker has good success with and/or has worked with.  I really appreciate the follow through of my doc.

The next day I was trying to decide which agency I would contact first.  These agencies have private therapists working in them unlike the agency I was with.

In the evening just as I sat down to eat my cell phone rang.  The call display showed the number of the agency I was with.  It took me off guard because I was sure I would have no further contact with them.   Whatever could they be phoning me about?  It turns out it was the therapist I wanted to see and was turned down.  She was phoning me back.  I had left a message a few weeks ago at her private practice.  Because I hadn’t heard from her I was sure she wasn’t going to contact me because of some conversation between her and the clinical supervisor.

It turns out she was away for a week.  She only works at her private practice one day a week but I was able to make an appointment with her at the beginning of March.  We also discussed fees.  I told her I was prepared to pay because I knew I would have to start seeing a therapist in private practice.  I must admit though it irks me that I have to see her privately when she also practices within that dreaded agency.

Here’s the kicker.  I finally set up an appointment with a private therapist to which I’ll be paying big bucks, if I decide she is a good fit, and I find out today I will be losing my full-time job in mid April.

Yeesh… what more can go wrong?  I will have to do some number crunching because  I really do need to see a therapist at this time.

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This entry was posted in Anxiety, Change, Control, Dissociation, Panic, Panic Disorder, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Development upon Development

  1. JBR says:

    Nope. Me neither. I do NOT like change. Unless…… I am the one who desires to change something. Sorry you have to keep your cast on longer. I do hope this t. works out for you despite what the possibility of you not having a job in April. Your mental health takes priority. I guess there is no sliding scale huh? Safe hugs.

  2. I’m glad things have worked out for you to see the therapist you connected with. My goodness about your job though. I mean, seriously….what the hell. This all must be such a shock and burden to your system.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I’m feeling like I’ve been slam dunked with all that seems to be going on. There’s a lot of drama going on behind the scenes at my job. They are laying off all the staff. It’s making things harder for sure.

  3. Amanda says:

    Crunch those numbers and be honest with her when you see her. I lost my job last year and I was fortunate to have a therapist that allowed me to pay what I could. You never know what will happen. I’m so glad you were able to make an appointment with her, that she called you back (and that your doctor followed up). I look forward to March, for you. I know you want and need this.

    For the record, change stinks on this side of the world too! But it is only through change that we are able to see who we really are and what we’re capable of. I hope that nothing but “good change” comes for a while for you.

    Thinking of you.

    • lostinamaze says:

      I plan on mentioning what’s going on job wise. I hope it works out. I’m also really glad she phoned back. I was making up all these scenarios in my head of why she hadn’t called yet all because of what happened with the agency. thank you Amanda good change would be nice.

  4. Ellen says:

    I’m real sorry to hear about your job woes Maze.

    Good for you for biting the bullet and deciding to pay for what you need. But yeah, if you can’t, you can’t. I’m hoping this T does have a sliding scale. If you do go this route, could you meet with a few T’s, get a feel for them and their approach, and then decide?

    You do have a lot more power and control when you are paying. You decide who you are going to see. If you don’t think it’s helping, you have a strong disincentive to going (cost), so you’re unlikely to waste your time. You decide how long therapy should continue.

    I’m impressed with the efforts you are making. Here rooting for you.

    • lostinamaze says:

      Thank you Ellen. I have a few other t’s in mind. There was another agency I’ve been checking out. This agency is made up of private t’s who set their own prices and some of them have sliding fees according to their ad. It seems that finding a t is a long process in itself!

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