Change. I really don’t like change. Fast. I don’t like when things are moving fast.
It makes my head spin. It makes me dissociative.
On Tuesday I went to the doctor to have my wrist x-rayed once again. It seems I will have the cast on for anther 4 – 6 weeks. Great. Some days it’s all I can do not to rip it off. I can feel a slow build up of panic. I feel trapped. Strange because it’s only my arm in a cast.
A few days before Tuesday when I was at the doc’s I told her what happened with the agency. She was appalled. I quietly mentioned that I felt like plan A was slipping through my hands and plan B was looking better. I told her I felt discouraged about trying to find another therapist. She said she would talk to the medical clinic’s social worker for some thoughts about therapists. When I arrived for the x-ray she handed me a note with some other agencies that the social worker has good success with and/or has worked with. I really appreciate the follow through of my doc.
The next day I was trying to decide which agency I would contact first. These agencies have private therapists working in them unlike the agency I was with.
In the evening just as I sat down to eat my cell phone rang. The call display showed the number of the agency I was with. It took me off guard because I was sure I would have no further contact with them. Whatever could they be phoning me about? It turns out it was the therapist I wanted to see and was turned down. She was phoning me back. I had left a message a few weeks ago at her private practice. Because I hadn’t heard from her I was sure she wasn’t going to contact me because of some conversation between her and the clinical supervisor.
It turns out she was away for a week. She only works at her private practice one day a week but I was able to make an appointment with her at the beginning of March. We also discussed fees. I told her I was prepared to pay because I knew I would have to start seeing a therapist in private practice. I must admit though it irks me that I have to see her privately when she also practices within that dreaded agency.
Here’s the kicker. I finally set up an appointment with a private therapist to which I’ll be paying big bucks, if I decide she is a good fit, and I find out today I will be losing my full-time job in mid April.
Yeesh… what more can go wrong? I will have to do some number crunching because I really do need to see a therapist at this time.