On Thursday I meet with the potential new therapist. This fact has distracted me so much I have to keep checking my calendar to see what the current day is and when my therapy appointment is. I hate when that happens to me. Grounded? Not at all. Very disconcerting to say the least.
I’m very nervous. I will need to write out the questions that I need to ask plus some of the things I would like to work on. I know she will ask what I want to work on. I need to say something more than ‘I don’t know’. Most of the time I know I need some sort of help but can’t exactly put my finger on what. I have gotten better at this since I came to realize a good part of my ‘problem’ is rooted in the trauma.
I also have this feeling that I can’t shake that nothing will turn out anyway with this appointment. It will all go wrong. I’ve developed this feeling since everything that has happened with the agency. So I’m ready for the worst.
I need to remember the potential therapist might be able to help me in ways that my former t couldn’t. But I also despair of having to start anew. Having to build up some trust. I can’t help thinking the trust factor will be harder to develop this time. You know the old saying (or maybe you don’t) ‘once bitten, twice shy’. I’m probably three times shy.
I worried about this whole process. Because of all the above. And then some.