Author Archives: lostinamaze

wordless

Posted on May 24, 2013

I have a motherI needed a mom whose lap I could sit onI have a motherI needed a mom who would listen to meI have a motherI needed a mom who would help me fight my battlesI have a motherI … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Sick

Posted on August 16, 2012

Sorry I haven’t blogged in a bit. I’m not planning on stopping. It just I’ve been so sick this summer. I have missed a few therapy sessions because of this. I keep getting one flu after another it seems.  Hopefully … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Unexpected

Posted on July 25, 2012

Driving home from my session I received a message, ‘dad is not expected to make through the weekend’.  I was in a vulnerable state, as usual, after a session.  Dad? Oh yah, ‘Wayne’, the man I never call ‘dad’. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Attachment, Conversation, Family, Father, Fear, Grief, Hurt, Relationships, Terror, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Integration

Posted on July 15, 2012

I haven’t given this word much thought. I’ve read many blog posts on this concept but never related any of it to myself.  That is until a few sessions back. We didn’t talk about this in-depth it just came up … Continue reading →

Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

No Privacy

Posted on July 7, 2012

I haven’t been able to blog since my last post due to lack of privacy.  My living space is now in the throes of renovations.  Drywall dust abounds.  I have been relegated to the living room. At night I sleep … Continue reading →

Posted in Change, Control, Conversation, Family, Mother | 2 Comments

Click

Posted on June 24, 2012

One day this past week I was reading a book with a half an eye on the movie ‘The Incredible Hulk’, that was playing on TV.   I wasn’t paying too much attention to it when I happened to look up … Continue reading →

Posted in Attachment, Conversation, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Around and Around I Go

Posted on June 15, 2012

I walk into her office feeling split.  Two people have walked into the room.  One feeling the all-pervading sadness that hasn’t eased up.  The other part walks in feeling totally dissociated and not feeling a thing.  How that is possible … Continue reading →

Posted in Abuse, Conversation, Dissociation, Grief, Therapist, Therapy, trauma | 4 Comments

Lines upon Lines

Posted on June 4, 2012

I paint a straight, horizontal, grey line about two inches thick.  Within the line I paint a few red thin streaks here and there.  Under the grey line I paint another line. This one is a least five inches think … Continue reading →

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Control, Conversation, Grief, Hurt, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Wordless

Posted on May 31, 2012

warning: this will be about suicide I have picked up my computer a hundred times only to put it back down a hundred times.  So much is swirling through my head but I can’t seem to find the words or … Continue reading →

Posted in Anxiety, Conversation, Grief, Suicide, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Words

Posted on May 11, 2012

I live in my head, unconnected to my body.  I am starting to see how true this is.  In last night’s session as well as many sessions before she asks me how I’m feeling.  She asks me what are the … Continue reading →

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Conversation, Dissociation, Family, Fear, Grief, Relationships, Running, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments