Author Archives: lostinamaze

Hectic

I haven’t been online much in the last month or so and I’ve been really missing it.  My life has gotten more hectic than normal.  I just want to let everyone know what’s going on. I finally got my cast … Continue reading

Posted in Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Feral

I was like a feral cat growing up I told my therapist.  Running from one hiding spot to another.  Constantly trying to find a hiding spot physically and within myself.  Always on edge, always tense, muscles never relaxing.  Always trying … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Family, Fear, Relationships, Running, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Why I Need Therapy

Although I was able to work through the issues that I wrote about in the last post through sheer determination there is still so much more.  And the saddest thing is that I never knew where these problems came from.  … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Why I Don’t Need Therapy

I often question my need for therapy.  The questions started shortly after ending with my former therapist.  There was so much that I was able to work through before everything fell apart.   I was able to work through stuff without … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Family, Fear, Mother, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Feelings

It will be three weeks until I see her again.  She’s on holidays now.  I’m mostly ok with that.  I haven’t seen my new therapist enough to have any attachment issues. I’m hoping it will stay that way.  That kind … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Fear, Panic, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Who am I?

I left her office feeling beat up and lost.  Questions swirling through my head. Who I’m I anyway?  What happened to me as a child?  These questions have been with me quietly in the background in the last few years. … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Change, Control, Conversation, Family, Father, Fear, Hurt, Mother, Relationships, Running, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

No Time to Breathe

The last few weeks have been a whirl wind of activity.  A few things that have happened in the last few weeks are I had to go for a MRI after a six month wait.  This week I went for … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Noncommittal

I spent the afternoon trying to remember what I wanted to work on in therapy.  Even trying to remember the reason I do/have done therapy seemed to have vacated my brain.  I think I was well into what I call … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Panic, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Distracted, Nervous and all of the Above

On Thursday I meet with the potential new therapist.  This fact has distracted me so much I have to keep checking my calendar to see what the current day is and when my therapy appointment is. I hate when that … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

Development upon Development

Change.  I really don’t like change.  Fast.  I don’t like when things are moving fast. It makes my head spin.  It makes me dissociative. On Tuesday I went to the doctor to have my wrist x-rayed once again.  It seems … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Change, Control, Dissociation, Panic, Panic Disorder, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized | 8 Comments