Category Archives: Abandonment

Unexpected

Driving home from my session I received a message, ‘dad is not expected to make through the weekend’.  I was in a vulnerable state, as usual, after a session.  Dad? Oh yah, ‘Wayne’, the man I never call ‘dad’. I … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Attachment, Conversation, Family, Father, Fear, Grief, Hurt, Relationships, Terror, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Lines upon Lines

I paint a straight, horizontal, grey line about two inches thick.  Within the line I paint a few red thin streaks here and there.  Under the grey line I paint another line. This one is a least five inches think … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Control, Conversation, Grief, Hurt, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Words

I live in my head, unconnected to my body.  I am starting to see how true this is.  In last night’s session as well as many sessions before she asks me how I’m feeling.  She asks me what are the … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Conversation, Dissociation, Family, Fear, Grief, Relationships, Running, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Why I Need Therapy

Although I was able to work through the issues that I wrote about in the last post through sheer determination there is still so much more.  And the saddest thing is that I never knew where these problems came from.  … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Clinical Supervisor

Sorry for the long post… It will take me a while to type this out.  I broke my wrist on Sunday.  Nothing major, just some small bone called the scaphoid. It is slow to heal. Now my left wrist is … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Attachment, Control, Conversation, Family, Hurt, Psychiatrist, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Anxious Thoughts

I’ve been thinking or more honestly trying not to think what it will be like to re-enter therapy.  (if it happens that is) It makes me nervous, real nervous to let my thoughts wander that way.  I’ve been wondering what … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Anxiety, Attachment, Fear, Hurt, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 11 Comments

Tenth Session

I sit in my car and wonder if this will be the last time I will be in this parking lot.  My former therapist works for this agency and now group therapy is coming to an end.  I feel at … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Change, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Fourth and Fifth Sessions

Something happened in the fourth and fifth session that broke through some of my defenses about therapy.  Well not really during the sessions but after the sessions.  It’s put me into a big funk along with everything else that is … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Attachment, Control, Hurt, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, Trust, Uncategorized | 16 Comments

Are You Listening? Do You Hear?

I’m not sure when I learned to stop asking people to listen to me.  Probably when I stopped asking my parents to listen to me and I don’t remember any exact moment in time when this happened.  I don’t remember … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Attachment, Family, Father, Fear, Hurt, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, Trust, Uncategorized | 14 Comments

Unfinished Business

I’m the type of person that when I start something I like to finish it before I start something else.  Some examples: I read one book at a time and I need to finish it before I start another.  Even … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Attachment, Change, Control, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 8 Comments