Category Archives: Change

No Privacy

I haven’t been able to blog since my last post due to lack of privacy.  My living space is now in the throes of renovations.  Drywall dust abounds.  I have been relegated to the living room. At night I sleep … Continue reading

Posted in Change, Control, Conversation, Family, Mother | 2 Comments

Why I Need Therapy

Although I was able to work through the issues that I wrote about in the last post through sheer determination there is still so much more.  And the saddest thing is that I never knew where these problems came from.  … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Why I Don’t Need Therapy

I often question my need for therapy.  The questions started shortly after ending with my former therapist.  There was so much that I was able to work through before everything fell apart.   I was able to work through stuff without … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Family, Fear, Mother, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Who am I?

I left her office feeling beat up and lost.  Questions swirling through my head. Who I’m I anyway?  What happened to me as a child?  These questions have been with me quietly in the background in the last few years. … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Change, Control, Conversation, Family, Father, Fear, Hurt, Mother, Relationships, Running, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

Development upon Development

Change.  I really don’t like change.  Fast.  I don’t like when things are moving fast. It makes my head spin.  It makes me dissociative. On Tuesday I went to the doctor to have my wrist x-rayed once again.  It seems … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Change, Control, Dissociation, Panic, Panic Disorder, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized | 8 Comments

What Just Happened Anyway?

When the therapist asked me to stay a few minutes after the last session I knew they weren’t going to let that one question I answered with ‘almost always’ go unnoticed.  That question being ‘I have thoughts of ending my … Continue reading

Posted in Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 12 Comments

Tenth Session

I sit in my car and wonder if this will be the last time I will be in this parking lot.  My former therapist works for this agency and now group therapy is coming to an end.  I feel at … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Change, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized | 9 Comments

Turtle

It was left up to me to make the next appointment with the CBT therapist.  She suggested that I make it in two weeks time.  To be fair, she left it up to me because of my work schedule.  I … Continue reading

Posted in Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Change, Control, Panic Disorder, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized | 7 Comments

Letter to my Therapist

This is the letter I wrote to my t.  It is mainly about the start of my therapeutic journey until now. I am led to a dimly lit room.  Jumping with anxiety yet frozen with fear I sit in a … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Change, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 20 Comments

Unfinished Business

I’m the type of person that when I start something I like to finish it before I start something else.  Some examples: I read one book at a time and I need to finish it before I start another.  Even … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Attachment, Change, Control, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 8 Comments