Category Archives: Control

Integration

I haven’t given this word much thought. I’ve read many blog posts on this concept but never related any of it to myself.  That is until a few sessions back. We didn’t talk about this in-depth it just came up … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

No Privacy

I haven’t been able to blog since my last post due to lack of privacy.  My living space is now in the throes of renovations.  Drywall dust abounds.  I have been relegated to the living room. At night I sleep … Continue reading

Posted in Change, Control, Conversation, Family, Mother | 2 Comments

Lines upon Lines

I paint a straight, horizontal, grey line about two inches thick.  Within the line I paint a few red thin streaks here and there.  Under the grey line I paint another line. This one is a least five inches think … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Control, Conversation, Grief, Hurt, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Why I Need Therapy

Although I was able to work through the issues that I wrote about in the last post through sheer determination there is still so much more.  And the saddest thing is that I never knew where these problems came from.  … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Why I Don’t Need Therapy

I often question my need for therapy.  The questions started shortly after ending with my former therapist.  There was so much that I was able to work through before everything fell apart.   I was able to work through stuff without … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Family, Fear, Mother, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Feelings

It will be three weeks until I see her again.  She’s on holidays now.  I’m mostly ok with that.  I haven’t seen my new therapist enough to have any attachment issues. I’m hoping it will stay that way.  That kind … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Fear, Panic, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Who am I?

I left her office feeling beat up and lost.  Questions swirling through my head. Who I’m I anyway?  What happened to me as a child?  These questions have been with me quietly in the background in the last few years. … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Change, Control, Conversation, Family, Father, Fear, Hurt, Mother, Relationships, Running, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

No Time to Breathe

The last few weeks have been a whirl wind of activity.  A few things that have happened in the last few weeks are I had to go for a MRI after a six month wait.  This week I went for … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Development upon Development

Change.  I really don’t like change.  Fast.  I don’t like when things are moving fast. It makes my head spin.  It makes me dissociative. On Tuesday I went to the doctor to have my wrist x-rayed once again.  It seems … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Change, Control, Dissociation, Panic, Panic Disorder, Therapist, Therapy, Uncategorized | 8 Comments

Paranoid

A few days after the incident where the clinical supervisor left me a message leaving her name and agency name I received a letter in the mail.  My sister picked up the mail which is out of the ordinary.  I … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Control, Family, Fear, Hurt, Mother, Panic, Psychiatrist, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments