Category Archives: Fear

Unexpected

Driving home from my session I received a message, ‘dad is not expected to make through the weekend’.  I was in a vulnerable state, as usual, after a session.  Dad? Oh yah, ‘Wayne’, the man I never call ‘dad’. I … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Attachment, Conversation, Family, Father, Fear, Grief, Hurt, Relationships, Terror, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Integration

I haven’t given this word much thought. I’ve read many blog posts on this concept but never related any of it to myself.  That is until a few sessions back. We didn’t talk about this in-depth it just came up … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Words

I live in my head, unconnected to my body.  I am starting to see how true this is.  In last night’s session as well as many sessions before she asks me how I’m feeling.  She asks me what are the … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Conversation, Dissociation, Family, Fear, Grief, Relationships, Running, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Feral

I was like a feral cat growing up I told my therapist.  Running from one hiding spot to another.  Constantly trying to find a hiding spot physically and within myself.  Always on edge, always tense, muscles never relaxing.  Always trying … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Family, Fear, Relationships, Running, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Why I Need Therapy

Although I was able to work through the issues that I wrote about in the last post through sheer determination there is still so much more.  And the saddest thing is that I never knew where these problems came from.  … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Why I Don’t Need Therapy

I often question my need for therapy.  The questions started shortly after ending with my former therapist.  There was so much that I was able to work through before everything fell apart.   I was able to work through stuff without … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Family, Fear, Mother, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Feelings

It will be three weeks until I see her again.  She’s on holidays now.  I’m mostly ok with that.  I haven’t seen my new therapist enough to have any attachment issues. I’m hoping it will stay that way.  That kind … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Fear, Panic, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Who am I?

I left her office feeling beat up and lost.  Questions swirling through my head. Who I’m I anyway?  What happened to me as a child?  These questions have been with me quietly in the background in the last few years. … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Change, Control, Conversation, Family, Father, Fear, Hurt, Mother, Relationships, Running, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 10 Comments

Noncommittal

I spent the afternoon trying to remember what I wanted to work on in therapy.  Even trying to remember the reason I do/have done therapy seemed to have vacated my brain.  I think I was well into what I call … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Panic, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 11 Comments

Paranoid

A few days after the incident where the clinical supervisor left me a message leaving her name and agency name I received a letter in the mail.  My sister picked up the mail which is out of the ordinary.  I … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Control, Family, Fear, Hurt, Mother, Panic, Psychiatrist, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments