Category Archives: Terror

Unexpected

Driving home from my session I received a message, ‘dad is not expected to make through the weekend’.  I was in a vulnerable state, as usual, after a session.  Dad? Oh yah, ‘Wayne’, the man I never call ‘dad’. I … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Attachment, Conversation, Family, Father, Fear, Grief, Hurt, Relationships, Terror, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Feral

I was like a feral cat growing up I told my therapist.  Running from one hiding spot to another.  Constantly trying to find a hiding spot physically and within myself.  Always on edge, always tense, muscles never relaxing.  Always trying … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Family, Fear, Relationships, Running, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 4 Comments

Why I Need Therapy

Although I was able to work through the issues that I wrote about in the last post through sheer determination there is still so much more.  And the saddest thing is that I never knew where these problems came from.  … Continue reading

Posted in Abandonment, Abuse, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Control, Conversation, Dissociation, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 6 Comments

Feelings

It will be three weeks until I see her again.  She’s on holidays now.  I’m mostly ok with that.  I haven’t seen my new therapist enough to have any attachment issues. I’m hoping it will stay that way.  That kind … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Fear, Panic, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Paranoid

A few days after the incident where the clinical supervisor left me a message leaving her name and agency name I received a letter in the mail.  My sister picked up the mail which is out of the ordinary.  I … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Control, Family, Fear, Hurt, Mother, Panic, Psychiatrist, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Simple is not so Simple

I’m glad my doctor’s appointment was yesterday.  Today our town had to declare a state of emergency.  There has been a raging blizzard for a couple of days with temps of -30 c and that doesn’t include the wind chill … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Control, Conversation, Father, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust | Tagged | 10 Comments

Sick

I don’t usually don’t do warnings about triggers because I don’t really know what triggers people.  I try not to talk or write  in detail mainly because I don’t like to.  But there might be some stuff in here that … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Dissociation, Father, Fear, Hurt, Relationships, Terror, trauma, Uncategorized | 10 Comments

Second Day Conversation

My first day off was full of work trying to catch up with chores.  And of course the conversation with my brother. I decided on my second day off I would laze around.  I did have a lunch date with … Continue reading

Posted in Abuse, Anxiety, Conversation, Family, Fear, Relationships, Terror, trauma, Uncategorized | 7 Comments

First Day Conversation

I really enjoyed having two days off in a row.  It’s a very rare occurrence and it’s been probably over a year since I’ve had two days off together.  Not counting my disastrous holiday that is. A couple of interesting … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Family, Fear, Hurt, Terror, trauma, Uncategorized | Tagged | 6 Comments

What Just Happened Anyway?

When the therapist asked me to stay a few minutes after the last session I knew they weren’t going to let that one question I answered with ‘almost always’ go unnoticed.  That question being ‘I have thoughts of ending my … Continue reading

Posted in Agoraphobia, Anxiety, Attachment, Change, Fear, Hurt, Panic, Panic Disorder, Relationships, Terror, Therapist, Therapy, trauma, Trust, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 12 Comments